Sappy Nostalgia- This Too Shall Pass
I'll admit it. I'm obsessed with my past.
Not like reliving the ol' glory days kind of obsessed. I can and do move on and live my grown up adventures. I don't feel stuck in my past, but the older I get, the more appreciative I am of my past. This may be the residual effects of my St. Urjo's Day drinking and suicide contemplation, but I am feeling particularly nostalgic today. (Aw...I love you, man!)
When I talk to my adult friends about their adolescent experiences I feel blessed. I was so fortunate to have been around so many wonderful people (wonderful people that I was often inadvertantly cruel to on account of my own vanity- I know this sounds flip but I really am sorry about that) who were important to me not because of their proximity and foosball table ownership but because of who they were and, I assume, still are. There are some with whom I am still in contact and others who have drifted away on a sea of time, drugs and/or resentment. Regardless, I know I have formed my belief in the ultimate goodness of mankind due to their influence. You can decide for yourself if they've suited me well or not in that regard. As for me, I'm happy with it.
I often think about tracking everyone down to tell them how much they mean to me and how much I will always love them but I fear the obligation to rebuild and maintain a friendship would sort of crush the expression and negate it. There are two other scenarios that are even worse. The first being a scenario where I am forced to account for my sins only to remain unforgiven. The second is worse yet...that I would have to face how little I mattered to them. Alas, I am afraid my ego could not take such a beating. Of course, the sweet spot that I have for those who dared to be friends with me while I was at my absolute worst will always be there and perhaps it is just best to leave things as they are and pass on the love that I feel as much as I can. We can only move forward.
So, for my old friends, know that I am a better person for having known you (and in some cases, having smooched you- you know who you are) and that my new friendships are to be credited as part of your legacy and influence. If you see or hear from someone we both knew from way back when freak them out and tell them I love them. That should make for a few seconds of really uncomfortable silence. I guess that would be an appropriate legacy for me. The legacy of "Ummmm...okay...yeah...how about that weather we're having?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Not like reliving the ol' glory days kind of obsessed. I can and do move on and live my grown up adventures. I don't feel stuck in my past, but the older I get, the more appreciative I am of my past. This may be the residual effects of my St. Urjo's Day drinking and suicide contemplation, but I am feeling particularly nostalgic today. (Aw...I love you, man!)
When I talk to my adult friends about their adolescent experiences I feel blessed. I was so fortunate to have been around so many wonderful people (wonderful people that I was often inadvertantly cruel to on account of my own vanity- I know this sounds flip but I really am sorry about that) who were important to me not because of their proximity and foosball table ownership but because of who they were and, I assume, still are. There are some with whom I am still in contact and others who have drifted away on a sea of time, drugs and/or resentment. Regardless, I know I have formed my belief in the ultimate goodness of mankind due to their influence. You can decide for yourself if they've suited me well or not in that regard. As for me, I'm happy with it.
I often think about tracking everyone down to tell them how much they mean to me and how much I will always love them but I fear the obligation to rebuild and maintain a friendship would sort of crush the expression and negate it. There are two other scenarios that are even worse. The first being a scenario where I am forced to account for my sins only to remain unforgiven. The second is worse yet...that I would have to face how little I mattered to them. Alas, I am afraid my ego could not take such a beating. Of course, the sweet spot that I have for those who dared to be friends with me while I was at my absolute worst will always be there and perhaps it is just best to leave things as they are and pass on the love that I feel as much as I can. We can only move forward.
So, for my old friends, know that I am a better person for having known you (and in some cases, having smooched you- you know who you are) and that my new friendships are to be credited as part of your legacy and influence. If you see or hear from someone we both knew from way back when freak them out and tell them I love them. That should make for a few seconds of really uncomfortable silence. I guess that would be an appropriate legacy for me. The legacy of "Ummmm...okay...yeah...how about that weather we're having?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 12:55 PM
2 Comments:
Woohoo! Drugs and resentment!
fucking jackass (something inaudible) pissing on my parade (more muttering) always picking on me, can't handle a damn nice thing...trying to say something nice to everyone I knew and (inaudible) ...always a fucking joke...like I'm the one who's fucking crazy...who took my beer? Fucking smart ass...oh! I'm a fucking letter! Yeah, I'm like 8 points in Scrabble...(mumbling) pithy (sound of bottle hitting the floor) shit (more thumping sounds then giggling) My sister's cat pissed on his stuff! (more giggling and thumping) Ew, what the hell is that? (sound of bottle falling, a thud then snoring)
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