One of the Guys?
I'm hardly ever one of the guys anymore.
Not that I ever was, really, but I could at least fool myself into thinking that I was. Those were really nice days that ended once I moved to New York. Maybe midwestern guys are more capable (or insecure, or shy, or polite, or whatever...) of having friendships with women than New York guys. Come on, if you're a heterosexual in New York catching a dame is like shooting fish in a barrel. I guess they just don't have time to waste not getting laid.
My first party in NYC was an all night affair and I got pretty hammered. Hey- I was 22. Of course I got hammered. I stayed up all night talking to this guy about political theatre, music, and a whole bunch of other stuff (once again, I was hammered) and then fell asleep on the floor. Because I was 22 and that's what you do when you're 22. Sometime during the night this guy started to make the moves on me and I gently reminded him that I just wasn't going there. It was like sleeping next to a hungry octopus that is trying to devour you all night long. At least he was a respectful octopus that did not push too hard but I had be half awake in order to fend off his advances.
Anyway, the next day I ended up talking to him at school and he was pissed as hell.
"I asked around about you and found out that you're like, almost married!"
True, it did not come up in conversation since I went to the party by myself. I make it a habit to not flaunt my relationship for several reasons:
#1. Vanity. I learned quickly (especially after this incident) that men will ignore you altogether if they think they will not be able to bed you. This fellow never- and I am not exaggerating- never said another word to me again. We were in the same small school for two years.
#2. I never want to assume that someone is attracted to me only to be shot down and laughed at. It hasn't happened to me yet and I am terrified of the day that it does happen. So, I avoid it. Frankly, I'm a little dense. Once a guy corned me and kissed me so hard I thought my face was going to slide off and I still wonder what he meant by that. In my brain, I'm thinking he did it to win a bet or something- not because he was particularly attracted to me.
#3. I don't like the image of me as a married woman with a child. I like being a married woman with a child- I love my family. But I also like being an individual and I don't like my family being the only definition of who I am. My family is fantastic, they are beautiful, wonderful people who I am proud to be with. But I have to keep a little something for myself.
#4. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Men are freaked out by mothers. Once you've pushed another living creature out of your vagina they will never look at you the same. They just keep staring at you as if you're some special on the Discovery Channel.
Why do I care? See reason #1.
I've only recently come to appreciate the company of women. Don't get me wrong, I've always had a small group of closely knit women friends. I am usually found as part of a group of three women. That's my magic number. I'll hang out with all kinds of women, but usually pick 2 to have a close 3 AM phone call bond. I don't do that on purpose, it is just a pattern I have. I'm attracted to threes.
I just wish I could have the best of both worlds. With Tom's friends I play the wife and mother. With my girl friends I'm the good friend with a husband and child. With my mom friends I get to be a mom struggling with daily issues. When I am with the guys I get to stretch my bawdy, fun girl personality. I like that Bree. I wish she could come out and play more.
So all my guy friends out there, if you hang with me you'll get the company of opinionated, loud, dirty joke gal but you won't be getting the gal.
All right. I'm packing up for work- with kids. I've got to put bawdy gal to sleep.
Not that I ever was, really, but I could at least fool myself into thinking that I was. Those were really nice days that ended once I moved to New York. Maybe midwestern guys are more capable (or insecure, or shy, or polite, or whatever...) of having friendships with women than New York guys. Come on, if you're a heterosexual in New York catching a dame is like shooting fish in a barrel. I guess they just don't have time to waste not getting laid.
My first party in NYC was an all night affair and I got pretty hammered. Hey- I was 22. Of course I got hammered. I stayed up all night talking to this guy about political theatre, music, and a whole bunch of other stuff (once again, I was hammered) and then fell asleep on the floor. Because I was 22 and that's what you do when you're 22. Sometime during the night this guy started to make the moves on me and I gently reminded him that I just wasn't going there. It was like sleeping next to a hungry octopus that is trying to devour you all night long. At least he was a respectful octopus that did not push too hard but I had be half awake in order to fend off his advances.
Anyway, the next day I ended up talking to him at school and he was pissed as hell.
"I asked around about you and found out that you're like, almost married!"
True, it did not come up in conversation since I went to the party by myself. I make it a habit to not flaunt my relationship for several reasons:
#1. Vanity. I learned quickly (especially after this incident) that men will ignore you altogether if they think they will not be able to bed you. This fellow never- and I am not exaggerating- never said another word to me again. We were in the same small school for two years.
#2. I never want to assume that someone is attracted to me only to be shot down and laughed at. It hasn't happened to me yet and I am terrified of the day that it does happen. So, I avoid it. Frankly, I'm a little dense. Once a guy corned me and kissed me so hard I thought my face was going to slide off and I still wonder what he meant by that. In my brain, I'm thinking he did it to win a bet or something- not because he was particularly attracted to me.
#3. I don't like the image of me as a married woman with a child. I like being a married woman with a child- I love my family. But I also like being an individual and I don't like my family being the only definition of who I am. My family is fantastic, they are beautiful, wonderful people who I am proud to be with. But I have to keep a little something for myself.
#4. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Men are freaked out by mothers. Once you've pushed another living creature out of your vagina they will never look at you the same. They just keep staring at you as if you're some special on the Discovery Channel.
Why do I care? See reason #1.
I've only recently come to appreciate the company of women. Don't get me wrong, I've always had a small group of closely knit women friends. I am usually found as part of a group of three women. That's my magic number. I'll hang out with all kinds of women, but usually pick 2 to have a close 3 AM phone call bond. I don't do that on purpose, it is just a pattern I have. I'm attracted to threes.
I just wish I could have the best of both worlds. With Tom's friends I play the wife and mother. With my girl friends I'm the good friend with a husband and child. With my mom friends I get to be a mom struggling with daily issues. When I am with the guys I get to stretch my bawdy, fun girl personality. I like that Bree. I wish she could come out and play more.
So all my guy friends out there, if you hang with me you'll get the company of opinionated, loud, dirty joke gal but you won't be getting the gal.
All right. I'm packing up for work- with kids. I've got to put bawdy gal to sleep.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 1:20 PM
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