Continued Dull
Another parent at school told me he had read that in the weather forecast for this weekend. Continued dull. Well, that just says it all.
Life is not dull, but the weather sure is and it has made me extraordinarily sleepy today. I suppose that is in response to my week of constant jumpiness. I have not experienced such skittish paranoia since my freshman year of high school when I was about to fail algebra. (Which I did fail and was required to go to summer school that year) Last week I just had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something or putting something off, even though I really do have everything firmly in hand. I guess I've been out of commission for so long that I feel rusty and afraid that I am only a shell of my former super girl self. What if I can't pull this off?
Pull what off?
Well, my home school classes (and a smattering of requests for similar classes for other home school groups), private clients, finishing my play (oh yeah- that thing that hasn't seen the light of day in almost two weeks), putting together group classes for adults, my volunteer work, being a good mom, PTA meetings and trip to Albany to lobby for the school (not 100% sure I should- more money is nice, but a structure that knows how to spend it wisely would be better...), being a good wife, a good friend, and good to myself, I just don't know if I can do it all. I would have had absolutely no doubts 10 years ago and would have willingly killed myself trying. Now, not so much.
I am enjoying waking up everyday and knowing that I am going to get to do at least one thing that makes me happy that day. That's a big change over the last four years. But now I'm on constant watch, thinking that I am going to let things slide and then I'll be back where I started. I guess it is much like the monkey bars. When I was a kid I would fling myself around of them, fall, get back up, knock myself around, hang upside down and I wouldn't give it a second thought. Now I look at the monkey bars with fear and trepidation. I feel huge, stiff and brittle. It was only six years ago that I was flinging myself around in combat class doing simple acrobatics and enjoying fighting with broad swords (damn that feels good!). Four back injuries later I feel like I'll snap in two if I just walk across the room to pick up a book. Obviously, I have some work to do.
Actually, now that I read that, I know that it isn't completely true. I will tackle these little issues with gusto but for the moment I'm just neurotic and bored. If I'm going to be bored, I might as well make up a problem so the day doesn't feel so much like "continued dull".
Life is not dull, but the weather sure is and it has made me extraordinarily sleepy today. I suppose that is in response to my week of constant jumpiness. I have not experienced such skittish paranoia since my freshman year of high school when I was about to fail algebra. (Which I did fail and was required to go to summer school that year) Last week I just had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something or putting something off, even though I really do have everything firmly in hand. I guess I've been out of commission for so long that I feel rusty and afraid that I am only a shell of my former super girl self. What if I can't pull this off?
Pull what off?
Well, my home school classes (and a smattering of requests for similar classes for other home school groups), private clients, finishing my play (oh yeah- that thing that hasn't seen the light of day in almost two weeks), putting together group classes for adults, my volunteer work, being a good mom, PTA meetings and trip to Albany to lobby for the school (not 100% sure I should- more money is nice, but a structure that knows how to spend it wisely would be better...), being a good wife, a good friend, and good to myself, I just don't know if I can do it all. I would have had absolutely no doubts 10 years ago and would have willingly killed myself trying. Now, not so much.
I am enjoying waking up everyday and knowing that I am going to get to do at least one thing that makes me happy that day. That's a big change over the last four years. But now I'm on constant watch, thinking that I am going to let things slide and then I'll be back where I started. I guess it is much like the monkey bars. When I was a kid I would fling myself around of them, fall, get back up, knock myself around, hang upside down and I wouldn't give it a second thought. Now I look at the monkey bars with fear and trepidation. I feel huge, stiff and brittle. It was only six years ago that I was flinging myself around in combat class doing simple acrobatics and enjoying fighting with broad swords (damn that feels good!). Four back injuries later I feel like I'll snap in two if I just walk across the room to pick up a book. Obviously, I have some work to do.
Actually, now that I read that, I know that it isn't completely true. I will tackle these little issues with gusto but for the moment I'm just neurotic and bored. If I'm going to be bored, I might as well make up a problem so the day doesn't feel so much like "continued dull".
posted by Bree O'Connor at 8:48 PM
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