Victoria's Secret Hooo-ahs

Okay. Forget that they are all a size zero. Forget that they are all about 18 years old (that's what the modeling agency says, anyway). Just ponder who else you know that stands like that? What woman do you know in your day to day life makes it a habit to stand at such an awkward angle? Listen, honey, if you want someone to notice your ass- first you need to have one! Sit down and have a beignet, will ya? I hope their daily modeling fees are enough to support their coke habits AND regular chiropractic work because their poor spines really have to pay the price.

Also, I have long said that if you want concrete evidence of the patriarchy all you need to do is look at women's clothing compared to men's clothing. I'm not talking about how scanty they are in comparison. No. I'm talking about the number of pockets. Not having pockets forces us to drag along various purses and bags! Come on! What are purses for but to add a little big of drag so we're easier to catch! Especially since a good bag is notoriously hard to find- what would it take for you to drop that cute orange leather bag that houses your maxed out credit cards and your emergency snacks? If the perfect bag wasn't so hard to come by, we might drop them a little quicker. Think about it.

Then there's the shoes. Even I love heels. They are god awful uncomfortable, but nothing feels more powerful than click clacking down an empty hallway. It's the sound of authority from childhood. Remember being out of class when you weren't supposed to be and hearing that sound reverberating in the halls? Dude, you had better run or look really flipping busy! I've had some of my most powerful moments in heels. My best Melrose Place type breakup was in a killer pair of heels, black fishnets, a skimpy, swingy little black chiffon skirt with a black tailored jacket. I got to throw this guy up against some lockers, give him a serious what for and then I ceremoniously removed his ring and threw it at him. Then I sauntered back down the hallway swinging my ass behind me. Oh yeah, I knew this jacket and see through skirt only just covered my back side. See what you'll be missing? LOSER!

Of course, if I had miscalculated this guy he could have chased me down and threatened me with bodily harm and I would not have been able to get away. The power is pure illusion, but is often an illusion that others buy. They must have. Just about every guy in that hallway stared lustfully after me while simultaneously covering their balls. In a sick way, that's a good feeling.