Ho Ho Hum
Every year around this time I sit down to compose a holiday greeting to email to all of my friends. It's my yearly challenge to look at things in a positive light and, if I'm really really inspired, I make people cry. Yeah, you know that's my goal. I want you to shed tears of hope and joy, you know, good tears. Or at least feel pretty warm and fuzzy.
This year I thought I'd post it here and then email everyone to have the ol' looksee and I was very excited about that. Especially since this is the first year someone actually asked me (back in November) when I would be sending it out. Frankly, beyond my sisters, I wasn't sure anyone really noticed that I was doing it as a conscious thing. So it was nice to have someone who I didn't really expect to notice ask me about it. I've been waiting for the inspiration ever since.
Still waiting.
I don't know if this will be my hopeful post or not. I'm just going to spew a bit because there are a couple of drags on my Christmas spirit this year that I need to acknowledge. You see, it is really hard to get into the whole Christmas thing when there is all this whining and fighting going on. It's one thing to get it from your family. It's another thing entirely to get it from a large segment (80%!) of the population.
Let's get this straight, there is no war on Christmas. Christians really aren't persecuted. You are allowed to practice your religion, celebrate your holidays, you just aren't allowed to be fucking aggressive about it. (But you will be anyway because you're a bunch of bullies.) Allow me to demonstrate persecution for you...
"Merry Christmas!"
"Are you a Christian?"
"Yes I am, thanks for asking!"
"Hey Bill! I got some lion food for you!"
"Get your hands off me! Where are you.... aaaaggghhhhhhh!"
That's fucking persecution. If you are worried that it could happen again, stop being such a dick about it and maybe no one will mind what religion you practice.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know not all Christians are bullies but a few bad apples, especially loudmouth schnook apples, spoil the whole bunch. I need to go on the record saying I like Jesus. I love what he said. Good stuff. Maybe you ought to look into it.
Okay, here comes the scenic route, I am going to be making a sharp turn up ahead but don't worry it will all make sense when I come back around again.
A couple of years after I graduated from high school I picked up some psychology magazine because it's cover story was about bullies. I have a serious interest in bullies because I felt persecuted as a kid. I felt different than everyone else and I was ridiculed, threatened and beaten up -especially in junior high. I had always (and still do) had a deep interest in figuring out why that had happened to me and I eagerly devoured anything that might have contained clues about what was wrong with them and, perhaps, what was wrong with me. I wish I had held on to that magazine because it really gave me a shock.
The article talked about what we normally think of as bullies; kids who steal your lunch money, corner you in the bathroom and basically intimidate the hell out of you. It also talked about classic victims; kids who want nothing more than to get through their day without being singled out and all that very simple to understand kind of stuff. Well, I didn't exactly fit into either of those categories, but I did fit into the third. Yes, there is a third category that no one had ever told me about. This is a "reverse" bully, for lack of a better term. This is a person who invites conflict, a person who flaunts their differences and dares you to accept or reject them. This is the category of kid that has an especially difficult time because in their minds all they are doing is celebrating their individuality and then they are getting singled out and punished for it. This is the kind of person who really wants to be validated, but also wants to push the envelope to see if they can be worthy of attention and affection no matter what. Frequently, their differences are not appreciated- to put it kindly- and they react by becoming more and more outrageous. This is an aggressive act.
Imagine my shock to discover that I am aggressive. Me? I'm a fucking pussy cat, a pacifist even! I can count on one hand the number of times (after the age of 5) that I had ever raised my hand in anger. But the more I looked into it, the more I realized that I really had been a big fucking bully. Accept me, fuckers, or I am just going to get weirder and weirder. If I can't make you like or respect me then I am going to be in your face all the fucking time! I'm going to needle you and make you nuts! No wonder nobody liked me! What a fucking dick I was! Of course, in that violent spectrum this is the role I still would have chosen even if I had to consciously choose it. It is just more in line with my temperment and values. However, exploring it as a part of an aggressive personality was really eye opening for me. I'm just as guilty. That lead me to a certain understanding about my own personal power and that understanding is this:
Each person plays an active role in his/her own oppression.
Am I saying that persecution is fair and that people are asking for it? No. But if you buy into the idea of your own victimhood you will always be a victim. If you talk to people who have "triumphed over adversity" you will see that they have a very particular mind set. They do not see themselves as victims. They do not see themselves as worthless. They do not believe the things that society said about them. They do not feel too black, too girly, too dumb, too criminal...they choose to believe in the better part of themselves and this is how they succeed.
So, with that in mind, let me point out just how aggressive and overbearing this "war on Christmas" thing is. This is a passive aggressive bullying tactic. If you are going to be all up in my face you can bet you are going to face some retaliation. You will have to accept that this is a path you have chosen because if you just went quietly about your business and enjoyed your family and friends this holiday season as the humble devotee of Christ you claim to be, nobody would say boo about it. I just want to know if this battle of yours affords you any measure of satisfaction and if it truly advances Christian thought and practice. Or are you just trying to win something that is unwinable?
This year, I am trying to enjoy my holiday by surrounding myself with love. I won't get love by seeing a giant banner than says "Merry Christmas!" hung over the entrance of Target. I won't get love by blowing my life savings on expensive gifts for strangers. I won't be giving love if I am too busy yelling and whining about how mistreated I am because people say "Happy Holidays" to me instead of "Merry Christmas". It is really none of my business what anyone else does or does not celebrate. It IS my business to try to bring love, kindness and civility to the world. I'm not always great at it, but I am trying.
I still don't know if this is my Christmas post. Seems too preachy, but I need to get past it so that I can get to the good stuff. I celebrate Christmas. Not because I'm a practicing Catholic or because I want to participate in a yearly consumer event, but because there are brief, shining moments that Christmas can bring that allow me to love as fully as I can. What better reason could there be?
Merry Christmas and let there be light in the darkness.
This year I thought I'd post it here and then email everyone to have the ol' looksee and I was very excited about that. Especially since this is the first year someone actually asked me (back in November) when I would be sending it out. Frankly, beyond my sisters, I wasn't sure anyone really noticed that I was doing it as a conscious thing. So it was nice to have someone who I didn't really expect to notice ask me about it. I've been waiting for the inspiration ever since.
Still waiting.
I don't know if this will be my hopeful post or not. I'm just going to spew a bit because there are a couple of drags on my Christmas spirit this year that I need to acknowledge. You see, it is really hard to get into the whole Christmas thing when there is all this whining and fighting going on. It's one thing to get it from your family. It's another thing entirely to get it from a large segment (80%!) of the population.
Let's get this straight, there is no war on Christmas. Christians really aren't persecuted. You are allowed to practice your religion, celebrate your holidays, you just aren't allowed to be fucking aggressive about it. (But you will be anyway because you're a bunch of bullies.) Allow me to demonstrate persecution for you...
"Merry Christmas!"
"Are you a Christian?"
"Yes I am, thanks for asking!"
"Hey Bill! I got some lion food for you!"
"Get your hands off me! Where are you.... aaaaggghhhhhhh!"
That's fucking persecution. If you are worried that it could happen again, stop being such a dick about it and maybe no one will mind what religion you practice.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know not all Christians are bullies but a few bad apples, especially loudmouth schnook apples, spoil the whole bunch. I need to go on the record saying I like Jesus. I love what he said. Good stuff. Maybe you ought to look into it.
Okay, here comes the scenic route, I am going to be making a sharp turn up ahead but don't worry it will all make sense when I come back around again.
A couple of years after I graduated from high school I picked up some psychology magazine because it's cover story was about bullies. I have a serious interest in bullies because I felt persecuted as a kid. I felt different than everyone else and I was ridiculed, threatened and beaten up -especially in junior high. I had always (and still do) had a deep interest in figuring out why that had happened to me and I eagerly devoured anything that might have contained clues about what was wrong with them and, perhaps, what was wrong with me. I wish I had held on to that magazine because it really gave me a shock.
The article talked about what we normally think of as bullies; kids who steal your lunch money, corner you in the bathroom and basically intimidate the hell out of you. It also talked about classic victims; kids who want nothing more than to get through their day without being singled out and all that very simple to understand kind of stuff. Well, I didn't exactly fit into either of those categories, but I did fit into the third. Yes, there is a third category that no one had ever told me about. This is a "reverse" bully, for lack of a better term. This is a person who invites conflict, a person who flaunts their differences and dares you to accept or reject them. This is the category of kid that has an especially difficult time because in their minds all they are doing is celebrating their individuality and then they are getting singled out and punished for it. This is the kind of person who really wants to be validated, but also wants to push the envelope to see if they can be worthy of attention and affection no matter what. Frequently, their differences are not appreciated- to put it kindly- and they react by becoming more and more outrageous. This is an aggressive act.
Imagine my shock to discover that I am aggressive. Me? I'm a fucking pussy cat, a pacifist even! I can count on one hand the number of times (after the age of 5) that I had ever raised my hand in anger. But the more I looked into it, the more I realized that I really had been a big fucking bully. Accept me, fuckers, or I am just going to get weirder and weirder. If I can't make you like or respect me then I am going to be in your face all the fucking time! I'm going to needle you and make you nuts! No wonder nobody liked me! What a fucking dick I was! Of course, in that violent spectrum this is the role I still would have chosen even if I had to consciously choose it. It is just more in line with my temperment and values. However, exploring it as a part of an aggressive personality was really eye opening for me. I'm just as guilty. That lead me to a certain understanding about my own personal power and that understanding is this:
Each person plays an active role in his/her own oppression.
Am I saying that persecution is fair and that people are asking for it? No. But if you buy into the idea of your own victimhood you will always be a victim. If you talk to people who have "triumphed over adversity" you will see that they have a very particular mind set. They do not see themselves as victims. They do not see themselves as worthless. They do not believe the things that society said about them. They do not feel too black, too girly, too dumb, too criminal...they choose to believe in the better part of themselves and this is how they succeed.
So, with that in mind, let me point out just how aggressive and overbearing this "war on Christmas" thing is. This is a passive aggressive bullying tactic. If you are going to be all up in my face you can bet you are going to face some retaliation. You will have to accept that this is a path you have chosen because if you just went quietly about your business and enjoyed your family and friends this holiday season as the humble devotee of Christ you claim to be, nobody would say boo about it. I just want to know if this battle of yours affords you any measure of satisfaction and if it truly advances Christian thought and practice. Or are you just trying to win something that is unwinable?
This year, I am trying to enjoy my holiday by surrounding myself with love. I won't get love by seeing a giant banner than says "Merry Christmas!" hung over the entrance of Target. I won't get love by blowing my life savings on expensive gifts for strangers. I won't be giving love if I am too busy yelling and whining about how mistreated I am because people say "Happy Holidays" to me instead of "Merry Christmas". It is really none of my business what anyone else does or does not celebrate. It IS my business to try to bring love, kindness and civility to the world. I'm not always great at it, but I am trying.
I still don't know if this is my Christmas post. Seems too preachy, but I need to get past it so that I can get to the good stuff. I celebrate Christmas. Not because I'm a practicing Catholic or because I want to participate in a yearly consumer event, but because there are brief, shining moments that Christmas can bring that allow me to love as fully as I can. What better reason could there be?
Merry Christmas and let there be light in the darkness.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 2:59 PM
6 Comments:
A. Minority bullies. Figured that out while discoing naked to ABBA in front of Ugh in the quad. Difference? All scarring is mental and I think he actually turned into a pretty nice guy because of our work. I met him about 5 years after the fact and was shocked.
B. I think 'Christmas is Under Attack' is a money making scam. Seems to me that some right wing Christian group like Focus on the Family will pick up this battle cry every year, flaunt it on their broadcasts, and then immediately ask for donations. A few nut jobs who believe these folks in the bully pulpit (hehe) will take up the cause and make the situation seem like some sort of actual movement.
C. I'm starting to appreciate Santa Claus. He's the reason for the season regardless of what religion you practice. May the sun rise again.
We wore socks.
Nice analogy. Personally I think the best way to deal with this war is to ignore it. I refuse to validate it by admitting it's there. Too freeking ridiculous.
Of course, when they want to, say, get one of their holidays declared a government holiday, then I might have a problem with that.
It all just makes me exhausted, but I would like to take a moment to point out to Jake that in that particular instance he (Jake) was NOT a minority. The situation was reversed there and Ugh was not a part of the ruling class- you were. Come on, admit it, you were cool.
As for how Ugh turned out, I'd make the argument that he had it in him all along. After all, many other's of his "type" tried and failed in that school envirnonment whereas he stuck it out. He could have left. You gotta give the guy props for the spine that was his birthright.
Back to the holiday thing. Ken's got a point. I should just ignore it. But I simply must wonder how we have arrived at a point in history when the biggest whiners have the most power.
Yeah, I know I was in the majority THERE. That's the only reason I fell sorry for what we did. I took advantage of the security to torrment Ugh. And to say he had it in him is saying that others are beyond help, no hope for change. Our experiences help make us what we are and we hazed the shit out of him. With socks on.
And I'll point out that just as you seem to be completely oblivious to your popularity with the boys in high school, I had no freakin' clue that people saw me as one of the cool kids at AHS. I started realizing that long after the fact, way too late to utilize that information to help me score with the chicks. Two years surrounded by some of the best women in the world wasted.
Well, I kind of figured guys wanted to fuck me, but I (perhaps wisely) did not equate that with popularity. I just couldn't figure out if it was because of proximity or because I was truly desirable. After all, getting a high school guy to lust after you ain't so difficult. As my friend Erik says, "all you have to do is show up." Of course, no one made any serious overtures (with a couple of notable exceptions one of which involved cash on the table...damn that would have been such a win/win!) and I wasn't about to put my neck on the line only to be laughed at so...well, you were there! How many games of "I love you honey would you please, please smile" can a gal play? Why am I talking about this?
I guess teenage sex really does trump politics and religion every time.
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