The Titles to My Posts Just Keep Getting Longer and Longer and Longer and Longer and Longer and Longer...
I can't head bang any more.
I guess I haven't really done it since I was 15, but my closet Hessian came out yesterday while watching an ad for Monster Ballads (no, not the Sesame Street variety, but that would be funny) and my 31 year old neck now protests my 30 seconds of rockin' out. And very well it should.
You see, rockin' out is like masturbating. It is something best done where the general public does not have to be forced to watch. If you're not a rock star yet, there is probably a good reason for it and we don't have to be the ones to tell you that you look like an asshole. When was the last time someone came up to you to honestly tell you that your air guitar was white hot and you should take that act on the road? See those people biting their lower lips and laughing in the corner? They're laughing at you, dude. If you want to continue this behavior you had better bathe in a little Wild Turkey to save yourself the trouble of explaining the next day.
"No, man, that's just the way I dance!"
This doesn't mean you can't enjoy music with abandon. Please do. You see, rockin' out is a self conscious thing when you are trying to be cool like the guys you grew up idolizing. You ain't him. Be you. You're less of a dick.
I've got a little date with a hot water bottle and some sensible music for 31 year old ears. Yeah, it's the Monkees, you gonna make somethin' of it?
I guess I haven't really done it since I was 15, but my closet Hessian came out yesterday while watching an ad for Monster Ballads (no, not the Sesame Street variety, but that would be funny) and my 31 year old neck now protests my 30 seconds of rockin' out. And very well it should.
You see, rockin' out is like masturbating. It is something best done where the general public does not have to be forced to watch. If you're not a rock star yet, there is probably a good reason for it and we don't have to be the ones to tell you that you look like an asshole. When was the last time someone came up to you to honestly tell you that your air guitar was white hot and you should take that act on the road? See those people biting their lower lips and laughing in the corner? They're laughing at you, dude. If you want to continue this behavior you had better bathe in a little Wild Turkey to save yourself the trouble of explaining the next day.
"No, man, that's just the way I dance!"
This doesn't mean you can't enjoy music with abandon. Please do. You see, rockin' out is a self conscious thing when you are trying to be cool like the guys you grew up idolizing. You ain't him. Be you. You're less of a dick.
I've got a little date with a hot water bottle and some sensible music for 31 year old ears. Yeah, it's the Monkees, you gonna make somethin' of it?
posted by Bree O'Connor at 4:40 AM
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