Break from the Backwoods
I have some time to myself today. I'm enjoying it, so far. It has been about an hour since my Mom's friend has come to hang out with her so I can have some time to be alone. It's nice, but in classic caretaker fashion, I really can't think of anything more important to do than to hang out with my Mom. Even though I have not had more than 15 minutes to myself since Sunday. She could be knock down, drag out exhausted but will not go to bed unless I do- and I will NOT be missing Jon Stewart this week. That's all I ask for is Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. If I can have that, I can deal with just about anything.
Of course, this moment of solitude only gives me time to think about what is actually happening and I am fighting some despair. Last night at dinner my Mother was convinced that I was her younger sister and that her parents were still alive. I gently changed the subject and we went on with our day, but now I have time to sit and think about whether or not she knows who I am from moment to moment. Well, that's all just silly ego stuff, isn't it? Does it really matter who I am, at this point? All that really matters in the moment is whether or not she is safe and if she is able to deal with what she is experiencing in the moment.
Right now I am getting ready to hop in the sauna (one of the benefits of being at my parents' house) and then I am going to take the car...somewhere. They just opened a Starbucks here, so I may go there and pretend that I am in an urban environment. I went through the Starbucks drive through yesterday (Mom tried a cappucino! Imagine my surprise!) and had to laugh when the barista asked me if I had ever had a cappucino there before. She explained that she had to ask because frequently people drive up expecting to get one of those cappucinos like you get at the Kwik Trip and they are often disappointed that there is so much foam in a Starbucks cap. Funny. To each his own, I suppose. But I must say, the donuts here are superior to anything in NYC. Screw you Krispy Creme. You're not even close!
There is also an awful lot of Jesus here. More than I remember growing up. I'm up to my eyeballs in Jesus, here. I don't know. I'm always a little skeptical of people who wear their convictions on their sleeves like that. Makes me think they don't really mean it. If it were really in their hearts and part of the way they live moment to moment, they wouldn't need to advertise.
Just for the record, I think me and God/the Universe are pretty square. Now, my sauna awaits.
Of course, this moment of solitude only gives me time to think about what is actually happening and I am fighting some despair. Last night at dinner my Mother was convinced that I was her younger sister and that her parents were still alive. I gently changed the subject and we went on with our day, but now I have time to sit and think about whether or not she knows who I am from moment to moment. Well, that's all just silly ego stuff, isn't it? Does it really matter who I am, at this point? All that really matters in the moment is whether or not she is safe and if she is able to deal with what she is experiencing in the moment.
Right now I am getting ready to hop in the sauna (one of the benefits of being at my parents' house) and then I am going to take the car...somewhere. They just opened a Starbucks here, so I may go there and pretend that I am in an urban environment. I went through the Starbucks drive through yesterday (Mom tried a cappucino! Imagine my surprise!) and had to laugh when the barista asked me if I had ever had a cappucino there before. She explained that she had to ask because frequently people drive up expecting to get one of those cappucinos like you get at the Kwik Trip and they are often disappointed that there is so much foam in a Starbucks cap. Funny. To each his own, I suppose. But I must say, the donuts here are superior to anything in NYC. Screw you Krispy Creme. You're not even close!
There is also an awful lot of Jesus here. More than I remember growing up. I'm up to my eyeballs in Jesus, here. I don't know. I'm always a little skeptical of people who wear their convictions on their sleeves like that. Makes me think they don't really mean it. If it were really in their hearts and part of the way they live moment to moment, they wouldn't need to advertise.
Just for the record, I think me and God/the Universe are pretty square. Now, my sauna awaits.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 3:16 PM
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