Sticking In My Craw
I've been thinking a lot, lately, about the people I let into my life.
I don't know anybody that does NOT have some kind of boundary issues. People cross mine all the time. Hell, some people come in, see my boundaries and then proceed to drop trou and take a big, stinking dump on it.
I have people in my life who constantly feel the need to compete with me. There are people in my life who always have to prove that they are smarter than I am and will take any opportunity to one up me- often mistaking my humor for ignorance or going so far as to correct my grammar (which, admittedly, stinks). There are people in my life who dump their miseries on me and run away without even thinking of asking, "How are YOU doing?". There are some people that make me feel like I don't have the right to speak unless there is something awful in my life I need to talk about. No happiness or contentment allowed. If you're not miserable, what can you possibly have to add to the conversation? In short, there are people in my life who make me feel like shit.
I have long said that people play an ACTIVE role in their own oppression.
This does not mean that people are not in real, oppressive situations, but rather that people allow themselves to be in circumstances which keep them down. When people listen to messages that tell them they are somehow "less than" and allow themselves to believe it they lend energy and drive to the oppressive force. Those who rise above don't have that mind set. They choose to hold tightly to a belief in their own worth and proceed accordingly, working hard to set up boundaries so the oppressive force cannot penetrate.
There are probably some of you (you know who you are) who are, at this moment, preparing your contradictory remarks. Really, I'm not fucking interested. I'm working on something else right now and I don't particularly give a shit if my philosophy works for you. I'm concerned about making it work for me. You can bring up slavery, genocide, and totalitariam regimes as examples and I will agree with you that those things are unfair. What I am talking about is far more subtle. I cannot change those fuckers who want to take advantage of me. They will take whatever they can get. It's my job to make choices for myself that protect me, that protect my SOUL from such an onslaught. Even if they get my body, they cannot have my soul. That's mine and only mine.
I need to work on being conscious of what I invite into my life. I need to seriously consider if I am going to stay in situations that make me feel "less than". What's so difficult about it is that I have constructed a life which, on the surface, seems as if I have sidestepped all of these problems. I have a husband who respects me. I've avoided certain abusive situations by separating myself. I don't put myself in physical peril. But I do have things in my life, masquerading as love and support, that chip away at me.
Where do I draw the line? How can I stay a caring, giving person and protect myself at the same time? I believe that it is possible.
It is time for some change.
I don't know anybody that does NOT have some kind of boundary issues. People cross mine all the time. Hell, some people come in, see my boundaries and then proceed to drop trou and take a big, stinking dump on it.
I have people in my life who constantly feel the need to compete with me. There are people in my life who always have to prove that they are smarter than I am and will take any opportunity to one up me- often mistaking my humor for ignorance or going so far as to correct my grammar (which, admittedly, stinks). There are people in my life who dump their miseries on me and run away without even thinking of asking, "How are YOU doing?". There are some people that make me feel like I don't have the right to speak unless there is something awful in my life I need to talk about. No happiness or contentment allowed. If you're not miserable, what can you possibly have to add to the conversation? In short, there are people in my life who make me feel like shit.
I have long said that people play an ACTIVE role in their own oppression.
This does not mean that people are not in real, oppressive situations, but rather that people allow themselves to be in circumstances which keep them down. When people listen to messages that tell them they are somehow "less than" and allow themselves to believe it they lend energy and drive to the oppressive force. Those who rise above don't have that mind set. They choose to hold tightly to a belief in their own worth and proceed accordingly, working hard to set up boundaries so the oppressive force cannot penetrate.
There are probably some of you (you know who you are) who are, at this moment, preparing your contradictory remarks. Really, I'm not fucking interested. I'm working on something else right now and I don't particularly give a shit if my philosophy works for you. I'm concerned about making it work for me. You can bring up slavery, genocide, and totalitariam regimes as examples and I will agree with you that those things are unfair. What I am talking about is far more subtle. I cannot change those fuckers who want to take advantage of me. They will take whatever they can get. It's my job to make choices for myself that protect me, that protect my SOUL from such an onslaught. Even if they get my body, they cannot have my soul. That's mine and only mine.
I need to work on being conscious of what I invite into my life. I need to seriously consider if I am going to stay in situations that make me feel "less than". What's so difficult about it is that I have constructed a life which, on the surface, seems as if I have sidestepped all of these problems. I have a husband who respects me. I've avoided certain abusive situations by separating myself. I don't put myself in physical peril. But I do have things in my life, masquerading as love and support, that chip away at me.
Where do I draw the line? How can I stay a caring, giving person and protect myself at the same time? I believe that it is possible.
It is time for some change.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 9:42 AM
2 Comments:
I'm right here as well. My biggest obstacle is - How do I let my Christian and conservative friends from my past know that I no longer believe in their Christ or their politics? They will do the worst to me without even knowing it: They will SUBTLEY dismiss me as a "non-believer" and a liberal. Those two labels are used in sermons and jokes. It's not a compliment in their circles.
I read what their comments on my site and I... Hell, I get so fucking pissed.
Change is tough. Especially this purging kind of change.
I'll say a prayer for you. !!! Ahhh, I crack myself up.
Sometimes the guys at the truckstop hit me when they find out I'm more man than they are. I figure it goes with the territory. I put myself out there for abuse, so I shouldn't complain about it.
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