Maternal Instinct
A few posts ago, Jake did his usual contrary routine and linked to an article that made some not-so-snuggly claims about so called "maternal instinct". I won't go into the whole thing, but the basic gist is that some animals are not such good parents. Some favor the bigger offspring. Some eat their young. Some let the siblings mercilessly pick away at the runt until it meets an ugly end.
Well, duh.
Do you really think that any species can escape some form or other of familial dysfunction? Humans do the same things to different degrees. Even "good" human parents practice some forms of cruelty. You'll see it at just about any kids' sporting event. You can hear it at dinner tables across the country. Bigger, stronger, faster offspring are more desireable. They tend to spread the seed. Some parents actually believe that sibling rivalry builds character. Hey- I'm not saying that it's right. It just is.
I'm all for not getting too uppity about our place in the food chain. I mean, I bet the Tyrannosaurus Rex felt pretty good about himself and maybe thought himself a little above the others. And this guy had a pea brain. Literally. Look how far that egotism got him.
I guess what I am trying to say is that animals are just as varied in their behaviors as humans are and you will find those who are good parents and those who are not. So that begs the question, is there a maternal instinct?
I would say, from my own experience, that yes there is. Contrary to Jake's opinion/ observation, I would say that it exists across the board. What DOES NOT exist across the board are coping skills. Raising a brood is tiring and extraordinarily stressfull. Without support and internal coping mechanisms things go wrong. Sometimes horribly wrong.
Jake gave the example of a cow that got sick of her calf and gave it a good kick. Well, even the most loving of us have considered that at some point with a whining, naggy little kid. Hell, I've joked for years about throwing my kid out a window and I think my kid is the most intelligent and charming creature in the universe. However, if he whines for chocolate one more time I am going to deprive the world of his glorious shining potential and drop kick him to Jupiter. (Not really. I don't hit or kick my kid, but joking about it is one of my coping mechanisms. It's very cathartic.)
Coping mechanisms and developmental expectations are learned. We could have all the love in the world, but if we don't have these skills we can't function as good parents.
Let's look for a moment at a prime example of maternal behavior- breastfeeding. Through some weird, evolutionary glitch some primates will not nurse their young unless they are taught how. Other mammals have it a bit easier. Look at cat nipples, for example. (There's a phrase I never thought I'd udder-- ha ha...sorry) They are oblong and easier to latch on to. Unlike the human breast which requires proper latching technique. If you get this latch wrong your life can be a living hell. Improper latch can cause dry, cracked and bleeding nipples. I can tell you from experience that it can be excruciatingly painful and since an infant must feed several times a day, the wounds do not heal. Every feeding feels like sandpaper on the nipples and the pain begins to radiate through the rest of your body. Now, can you imagine continuing to do this if you were not encouraged, supported and taught how to do it correctly? Fuck no. We humans have the option of bottle feeding. A wild chimp does not. First time chimpanzee mothers are taught by more experienced mothers how to care for their infant. If she does not acquire the skills her infant will die unless another female takes the baby on. We can observe the effects of the mother's lack of skill, but I haven't heard anyone ask the chimp whether she gives a damn or not. She might not even understand why the baby died.
Then comes the compelling tales of infanticide. We like to clutch at our hearts and cry to the heavens about such an injustice. How can a mother kill her own? It's such an abomination!
Indeed, it is a tragedy, but it's motivations are much more complex than most of us care to examine. After all, to examine such a thing would be to confront the darkness within ourselves. There are mothers who convince themselves that they are sending their cherished ones to God- who would be a better steward of their little souls. There are mothers who are seeking a more desirable mate and see their children as a liability. There are mothers who turn their self loathing outward and attack the creatures that are providing them with the most stressful stimuli. Children are not all fun and games. They will test you to the limits of your soul and some people find that they are more limited than they thought they were.
Now don't write me with some angry bullshit saying that I condone parents killing their children. What I am saying is that it would happen less if more people had support and proper coping skills. I think the same would be true in a wilder context, but I have no real way to prove that.
I am a big believer in circumstances. We can observe how one parent creature behaves but rarely have we been privvy to how that parent creature was raised. As we know by looking at our own families, we can often explain why such and such pattern emerged in our lives by identifying the pattern of behavior in our parents and our parents' parents. To assume that our wild brethren are not subject to the same kind of inheritances is, to me, preposterous.
But I will admit that I am biased. I have a maternal instinct. I know a lot of women with maternal instinct. I also know that we ARE hard wired to respond to our (specific) infant's cries. At any new mommies group you can see this amazing phenomenon. If another woman's baby cries you look on sympathetically and say something soothing and encouraging. If it is your own child you spring into action, your heart pounds, and you will stop at nothing to make that awful, painful sound go away. When Sullivan would cry I would feel a rush in my breasts as the milk came in RESPONSE to a VOCAL CUE! That's amazing to me. Someone with less skill may have the same biological responses but the stress of the situation and a lack of coping mechanisms may cause her to shout at her baby, shake her baby or even hit her baby to get the sound to stop.
That doesn't work, by the way. But the fact that this child's care causes stress tells me that the stakes are high enough for the mother to care. It is just a dangerously inexpert way of displaying care. I'm more concerned about mothers who have no response at all.
If you give me some time I am sure I could come up with some hypotheses about that, too.
Well, duh.
Do you really think that any species can escape some form or other of familial dysfunction? Humans do the same things to different degrees. Even "good" human parents practice some forms of cruelty. You'll see it at just about any kids' sporting event. You can hear it at dinner tables across the country. Bigger, stronger, faster offspring are more desireable. They tend to spread the seed. Some parents actually believe that sibling rivalry builds character. Hey- I'm not saying that it's right. It just is.
I'm all for not getting too uppity about our place in the food chain. I mean, I bet the Tyrannosaurus Rex felt pretty good about himself and maybe thought himself a little above the others. And this guy had a pea brain. Literally. Look how far that egotism got him.
I guess what I am trying to say is that animals are just as varied in their behaviors as humans are and you will find those who are good parents and those who are not. So that begs the question, is there a maternal instinct?
I would say, from my own experience, that yes there is. Contrary to Jake's opinion/ observation, I would say that it exists across the board. What DOES NOT exist across the board are coping skills. Raising a brood is tiring and extraordinarily stressfull. Without support and internal coping mechanisms things go wrong. Sometimes horribly wrong.
Jake gave the example of a cow that got sick of her calf and gave it a good kick. Well, even the most loving of us have considered that at some point with a whining, naggy little kid. Hell, I've joked for years about throwing my kid out a window and I think my kid is the most intelligent and charming creature in the universe. However, if he whines for chocolate one more time I am going to deprive the world of his glorious shining potential and drop kick him to Jupiter. (Not really. I don't hit or kick my kid, but joking about it is one of my coping mechanisms. It's very cathartic.)
Coping mechanisms and developmental expectations are learned. We could have all the love in the world, but if we don't have these skills we can't function as good parents.
Let's look for a moment at a prime example of maternal behavior- breastfeeding. Through some weird, evolutionary glitch some primates will not nurse their young unless they are taught how. Other mammals have it a bit easier. Look at cat nipples, for example. (There's a phrase I never thought I'd udder-- ha ha...sorry) They are oblong and easier to latch on to. Unlike the human breast which requires proper latching technique. If you get this latch wrong your life can be a living hell. Improper latch can cause dry, cracked and bleeding nipples. I can tell you from experience that it can be excruciatingly painful and since an infant must feed several times a day, the wounds do not heal. Every feeding feels like sandpaper on the nipples and the pain begins to radiate through the rest of your body. Now, can you imagine continuing to do this if you were not encouraged, supported and taught how to do it correctly? Fuck no. We humans have the option of bottle feeding. A wild chimp does not. First time chimpanzee mothers are taught by more experienced mothers how to care for their infant. If she does not acquire the skills her infant will die unless another female takes the baby on. We can observe the effects of the mother's lack of skill, but I haven't heard anyone ask the chimp whether she gives a damn or not. She might not even understand why the baby died.
Then comes the compelling tales of infanticide. We like to clutch at our hearts and cry to the heavens about such an injustice. How can a mother kill her own? It's such an abomination!
Indeed, it is a tragedy, but it's motivations are much more complex than most of us care to examine. After all, to examine such a thing would be to confront the darkness within ourselves. There are mothers who convince themselves that they are sending their cherished ones to God- who would be a better steward of their little souls. There are mothers who are seeking a more desirable mate and see their children as a liability. There are mothers who turn their self loathing outward and attack the creatures that are providing them with the most stressful stimuli. Children are not all fun and games. They will test you to the limits of your soul and some people find that they are more limited than they thought they were.
Now don't write me with some angry bullshit saying that I condone parents killing their children. What I am saying is that it would happen less if more people had support and proper coping skills. I think the same would be true in a wilder context, but I have no real way to prove that.
I am a big believer in circumstances. We can observe how one parent creature behaves but rarely have we been privvy to how that parent creature was raised. As we know by looking at our own families, we can often explain why such and such pattern emerged in our lives by identifying the pattern of behavior in our parents and our parents' parents. To assume that our wild brethren are not subject to the same kind of inheritances is, to me, preposterous.
But I will admit that I am biased. I have a maternal instinct. I know a lot of women with maternal instinct. I also know that we ARE hard wired to respond to our (specific) infant's cries. At any new mommies group you can see this amazing phenomenon. If another woman's baby cries you look on sympathetically and say something soothing and encouraging. If it is your own child you spring into action, your heart pounds, and you will stop at nothing to make that awful, painful sound go away. When Sullivan would cry I would feel a rush in my breasts as the milk came in RESPONSE to a VOCAL CUE! That's amazing to me. Someone with less skill may have the same biological responses but the stress of the situation and a lack of coping mechanisms may cause her to shout at her baby, shake her baby or even hit her baby to get the sound to stop.
That doesn't work, by the way. But the fact that this child's care causes stress tells me that the stakes are high enough for the mother to care. It is just a dangerously inexpert way of displaying care. I'm more concerned about mothers who have no response at all.
If you give me some time I am sure I could come up with some hypotheses about that, too.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 10:52 PM
6 Comments:
Close your eyes. Relax. Take a few deep breaths. Now visualize your newborn Sully in your arms. Feel his weight and his warmth. Now hear him cry out for you.
If your brain reacts in a typically human way, you should feel the milk rushing to your breasts, even though there isn't any. Some people call this neuro-linguistic programming. With the right tools at my disposal I can get a man to feel the equivalent rush. I can give him the maternal instinct. A female neuro-linguistic programmer would have a much easier time accomplishing this than I, but we could do it regardless.
Not saying there is no such thing as maternal instinct. Just asking how we can call it as such when we can pass those same action/response mechanisms on to someone who theoretically shouldn't have those 'instincts'.
Who says they shouldn't have those instincts? That's a preconceived notion on your part. You are working on the assumption that the male of the species is not equipped for a similar response. I'd argue that they are but have suppressed those responses due to certain evolutionary demands. Under great stress and desire to nurture there have been cases of men lactating and feeding their offspring after the mother has died. These are extremely rare instances. It certainly doesn't happen every day. But I would argue that human men have "maternal instincts" just as women do and the pull is just as strong. The behavior, however, manifests itself in distinctly male ways and, as I've argued earlier, when the coping mechanisms and support are absent the male's behavior becomes dysfunctional. Sometimes to the point of abuse/ neglect.
I'm simply observing that bad behavior is not necessarily indicative of a lack of love. Unfortunately, sometimes it is just the opposite.
Time to get semantic on your ass. Strictly speaking, the parenting skills eminating from a male would be 'paternal'.
Male lactation is a biological process that is typically brought on either through hormonal treatments or under extreme stress. And if my wife sucked at my nipples like a feeding child twice a day, I would more than likely start to give milk. The phenomenon was first witnessed in survivors of the Nazi concentration camps and later noticed amongst American POWs from Korea and Vietnam.
So I guess the maternal instinct is like being bound, beaten, starved, and routinely humiliated. Shit! I think I've just had a breakthrough in my understanding of motherhood.
EXACTLY!!!! What the fuck do you think I've been trying to say on this blog for the last fucking year. Took ya long enough.
I hit publish and thought "Oh shit- I need to make some comment about "paternal instinct" because Jake is going to get obnoxious about that. But since I have to put up with the universal pronoun "he" you can fucking chill with "maternal instinct" applying to both parental units. It isn't fair, but fuck it what is?
So choosing to become parents is a couple of masochists breeding sadists.
Yeah, my vasectomy was a great idea. The torture was over in three days.
I love to disrupt these discussions in my base, juvenile fashion...I've never had any kids, but I've experienced milk rushing to parts of my body in response to verbal cues. Verbal cues like, "400 bucks, and I just want to jerk off on your tits" and "I'm going to make you pay for what you've done."
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