Mornings
Having a kid means your life will never again go exactly as YOU plan.
I had every intention of sitting in bed this morning and drinking my coffee while reading a book or just staring out the window. Tom is taking the boy to school today as I figured this would be a good day for him to meet Sullivan's teacher. A good day for Tom, that is. Well, my offspring did not take too kindly to this arrangement.
Now, 10 minutes after the fact, I can see where I screwed up. I didn't force Tom to take him to school on Day 2 so that he would get used to the idea that sometimes Daddy takes him to school. I sprung the plan on him this morning and gave in to his emotional tirade about my sitting down for breakfast with him. I should have just smiled benevolently from under the covers and let Tom take the lead instead of supervising. I had to carry him out the apartment door and then shut and lock the door behind me all the way yelling, "See you this afternoon! I love you, chicken!" and telepathically reminding Tom to be patient. Change is hard for a little guy. Especially OUR little guy.
Of course, I can't take all the blame for this. When I asked on Day 2 and Tom said no, he should have known he was making his own proverbial bed. He can't get upset about the browbeating he is probably taking right about now. He created this situation by not struggling to make things 50/50 around here. Or at least 40/60.
The thing that frustrates me most about motherhood is the assumption that I will just take care of everything. There is an assumption that Tom can say no if the parenting task is in the slightest way inconvenient for him. Fuckin' forget about how inconvenient it is for me. That's not even a consideration. After all, isn't my entire life built around my mommy responsibilities? And it is- which pisses me off all the more.
Things are getting better around here. I'm a much better mom now that I have my own time during the day to work on my professional pursuits. Tom is actually an excellent Dad. But he defers to me in all situations and then he wonders why I'm such a nagging harpy. You want to abdicate? Then you have to accept the consequences! You helped to create this monster!
Anyway. They're gone now. I have my coffee. I have my to do list which includes phone calls, grocery shopping, writing, and cooking. I have all the potatoes that need to be made into something.
Can anyone say Shepherd's Pie?
I had every intention of sitting in bed this morning and drinking my coffee while reading a book or just staring out the window. Tom is taking the boy to school today as I figured this would be a good day for him to meet Sullivan's teacher. A good day for Tom, that is. Well, my offspring did not take too kindly to this arrangement.
Now, 10 minutes after the fact, I can see where I screwed up. I didn't force Tom to take him to school on Day 2 so that he would get used to the idea that sometimes Daddy takes him to school. I sprung the plan on him this morning and gave in to his emotional tirade about my sitting down for breakfast with him. I should have just smiled benevolently from under the covers and let Tom take the lead instead of supervising. I had to carry him out the apartment door and then shut and lock the door behind me all the way yelling, "See you this afternoon! I love you, chicken!" and telepathically reminding Tom to be patient. Change is hard for a little guy. Especially OUR little guy.
Of course, I can't take all the blame for this. When I asked on Day 2 and Tom said no, he should have known he was making his own proverbial bed. He can't get upset about the browbeating he is probably taking right about now. He created this situation by not struggling to make things 50/50 around here. Or at least 40/60.
The thing that frustrates me most about motherhood is the assumption that I will just take care of everything. There is an assumption that Tom can say no if the parenting task is in the slightest way inconvenient for him. Fuckin' forget about how inconvenient it is for me. That's not even a consideration. After all, isn't my entire life built around my mommy responsibilities? And it is- which pisses me off all the more.
Things are getting better around here. I'm a much better mom now that I have my own time during the day to work on my professional pursuits. Tom is actually an excellent Dad. But he defers to me in all situations and then he wonders why I'm such a nagging harpy. You want to abdicate? Then you have to accept the consequences! You helped to create this monster!
Anyway. They're gone now. I have my coffee. I have my to do list which includes phone calls, grocery shopping, writing, and cooking. I have all the potatoes that need to be made into something.
Can anyone say Shepherd's Pie?
posted by Bree O'Connor at 8:30 AM
5 Comments:
On the farm when a cow was sick of her calf hanging around and always trying to suck at its teat, she would ignore it. If that didn't work, she would kick it.
The wisdom of nature. See why I don't have kids?
it's built into us, you know. hard wired to NOT ignore the kids.
Yes. Hard wired.
Penny, don't sweat Jake. He's an instigator who likes to pretend he knows everything. I can say that because I've known him for a very long time.(Aw, Jake, ya know I love ya, babe. I just think your fucking nuts.)
In reality, however, if you have a particular world view and want to find evidence to support your world view (and only your world view) you will find it every time. Maybe Jake's world view works for him. He doesn't have kids. Doesn't want kids. Doesn't particularly like kids. So take his information with a grain of salt. I know that there would be an equal amount of information out there about maternal instinct.
Although, I will say that I once witnessed my cat eating her kittens. I was seven and surprised that I didn't vomit on the spot. My mother said that she thought Fluffy (yeah, I was seven) must have sensed something wrong with these kittens. Or maybe she was having a tiff with her baby daddy. I don't know. But I do know that she raised countless (and I do mean countless) other litters without eating them and was actually pretty attentive.
As for humans "eating their young" or kicking them even, we all have moments when we are not the parents/people we want to be and I don't think that necessarily means that maternal instinct doesn't exist. Definitely there are SKILLS that need to be learned, but instinct and ability are two different things.
Fuck this is getting lengthy.
Oh, damn it. Now I am going to have to think about writing a whole post on the topic.
Stupid fucking Jake!
I don't pretend to know everything. I simply provide personal observations and contrary points of view in an attempt to get people to actually think.
And stupid fucking Jake apparently accomplished his mission once again.
Post a Comment
<< Home