Cracking Skulls

For some reason, my friends have always found my anger funny. I know that I am one of the least threatening people you are likely to encounter in any given day and so my anger must seem pretty quaint. Most people have not felt the full force of my anger and those that have are most likely to be found with frozen looks of shock on their faces for hours afterward.

I didn't know she could get that mad!

Today I had to exercise major restraint with a couple of fat fucks at the bank. You just know there is going to be trouble when someone uses the phrase, "Look lady..." with me. Rude, just plain rude.

I haven't shot off my mouth like this in years. Especially not with strangers but this SOB really got on my nerves and it all started with a broken ATM.

When I walked into the bank there was a woman waiting for a free ATM. She could have just as easily been waiting for a friend to finish their transaction as there was one ATM open and she was not using it. So I asked her if she was waiting and she told me that the open ATM was, indeed, not working. So I waited behind her and it wasn't long before two ATMs opened up and we were able to use them. As I was walking to my ATM a few men filed in. One who had come in just behind me asked if that ATM was working, I told him that it wasn't and he waited in the appropriate spot. So this loudmouth asswipe starts arguing with the guy in line.

"Why aren't you using that one?"

"It's not working."

"Well, did you check it?"

Then this guy just walks right past the other guy and the other guy protests.

"Hey, I'm next"

"You gonna just trust what somebody says? How do you know it doesn't work if you don't check it? What are you, ignorant?"

I'm going to pause in this drama for a second and say that the schnook has a point, but rarely have I ever encountered a situation where someone has told me a machine was down and it wasn't. What would they have to gain from this practice beyond a little sociological experimentation? Most people don't get their kicks that way and they certainly wouldn't get their banking done any quicker by lying to me so I tend to trust them. Clearly this guy has some trust issues, but that doesn't give him free rein to be a total dick.

The other guy tries to blow him off and finish his business as a new ATM opened up but this dipshit wouldn't stop harping on it. To make matters worse, he was with The Giggler. You know The Giggler, the doofus who always seems to follow the Fat Fuck like a puppy dog and nervously laugh at everything the Fat Fuck does. Now, he's probably uncomfortable with confrontation and so he laughs to deflect some of the discomfort he feels. Even so, this is still highly obnoxious behavior.

"What is everybody around here just fuckin' stupid, or what?"

(Giggle giggle giggle)

"Nobody knows how to check the fuckin' ATM?"

Forget the fact that three people looked at it while he was beakin' off and confirmed that it was not working. I finally got so sick of his loudmouth show that I turned around and confronted him.

"Do we have to do this today?"

"Look lady..." (Here it comes!) "Why don't you just mind your own business, eh?"

(giggle giggle)

"Where the hell do you get off walking into a public place, shooting off your mouth and insulting people like that?"

(Giggle giggle giggle)

"You wouldn't have any problems if you didn't stick your nose in where it doesn't belong. Everyone around here is a fuckin' idiot."

(Giggle giggle giggle)

"You are really pissing me off. You are being disrespectful, loud and obnoxious and for no good reason. You're a fucking bully."

"Why don't you just take your money and do a little shopping, huh?"

I hate being "little ladied". I was boiling mad and the only thing I wanted to do was to grab this guy by the nads and ram his head into the broken ATM. Then I wanted to stop his dumb friend from laughing by biting a huge hunk out of his cheek and spitting it on the floor. I can honestly say that I haven't felt this kind of random anger in years. Since I knew this urge would eventually pass and that to follow through on it would be, well, not so good, I called them both rude assholes and left.

I then called a friend, Prov and left a voicemail about how pissed I was and took myself out for breakfast.

I got a call back from Prov who laughed and said,

"Yeah, I played your message for Margaret and told her that I found your dark side. Margaret said that even your dark side sounded pretty nice. Ha ha."

Now, I know Prov is only teasing me and that she honestly likes me the way I am. But what do I have to do to convince you people that even if I don't go around assaulting jackasses in banks that my anger still has weight? Don't make me chase you around with knives and shit.

I will not be ignored.

Neither will I muss up your hair because that's just plain rude.