Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, Think I'll Go Eat Worms

Whenever I'm sick for more than 24 hours, I start to feel like the world has forgotten me. I sink into my own, snotty little pity party and watch crap TV to try to shake me out of my misery. You know, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Maury, anything that pretends to enlighten me but really only exploits its guests- yeah, oh hell yeah. When crap TV drags me further into the abyss, I turn to the Discovery Times channel, or the History channel and get depressed about Al Queda or freaked out by maritime disasters or sea monsters. It's a huge bonus for me when they run one of those crapy, low budget docs about Jesus or the Roman Empire or some such. Man those reenactments suck ass.

But I refuse to watch anything "good". No, that would just motivate me to suck it up, get off my ass and do something. That's not what I need right now. I need to wallow in my sickness and my sense of moral superiority.

Since I've cleared my calendar for the day, the next question is whether to medicate myself or not. I've got my non-medicated, saline nasal spray, Kleenex and a firm belief that these green seedless grapes are disturbingly juicy. (Damn! I've squirted grape all over this t-shirt!) Do I add a decongestant into the mix? Although I do suspect that it is polyps that are my major problem. So would a decongestant DO anything for me? Maybe the Discovery Health channel will have some disgustingly graphic show about polyps gone wild. You know, the kind that deform your face and make people turn away from you and count holes in ceiling tiles to appear busy.

OH! I just remembered, I taped that special on The Judas Book! Hot damn! It's gloomy outside and I have bagels inside and a Biblical doc rarin' to go.

It's shaping up to be a pretty sweet sick day.