So...
I know I tend to revisit certain themes. Mostly, this is due to the fact that I have yet to figure certain things out.
For example, why am I compelled to flirt with any man who pays attention to me? In the last couple of days I have found myself laying it on pretty thick and being completely unable to stop myself. (Ahem- ovulating- ahem hem) Most of these guys are not really my type. I can tell they're not really my type because they are actually paying attention to me. I normally don't fall for that kind of crap. I like them troubled, dark, and in need of saving. Man, I love that shit. But these guys I've been flirting with lately- not a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever pursue any of them.
Okay, so Tommer's not the troubled, dark or in need of saving type. But he can and does brood from time to time and I find it incredibly attractive. Sick, isn't it?
Anyway, I found myself flirting with a colleague the other day who is also married and has a kid. I like this guy. He's pretty darn nice, but I can't stand his taste in music and I think his taste in film is rather infantile. But, he has a beautiful smile and gave weird compliments like "I'd like to meet this husband of yours, he'd have to be a pretty cool guy if he married you." Okay, let's face it, that is something I hear a lot and I know that it is totally a cheap way for a guy to scope out the competition- even if he's not really planning on competing. He just wants to know where he might be in the pecking order should we end up in a small group together and have to repopulate the Earth. Would he have a chance to pass on his seed in an extreme emergency? I do the same thing, I'm just a bit more subtle about it. I don't mention any other women at all. I just see if I can hold his attention. That's all I need to know, really.
I sound totally cocky, but this is all subconscious stuff that I don't really consider in the moment. It is only after dissecting my patterns that I can make these assumptions. It is pretty clear to me how I process this information. What isn't really clear to me is how I am totally locked into the behavior. It's kind of like that moment when you find yourself on your 10th or 11th trip to the bathroom at your local watering hole and you realize "Oh, shit! I am Dee-RUNK!" and you start to giggle thinking to yourself that you should watch your mouth and get out before you make a big, giant ass out of yourself only to stay for another three hours, kiss the bartender and wind up doing the Lambada with some geezer the regulars call "Larry the Squid".
I'm just sayin'.
Let's just say that my husband has to be the most patient and secure man alive. He's seen me do it. We've known eachother for 15 years and been together for almost 13. He knew what he was getting into. Once, about 10 or 11 years ago, I saw this chick at a wrap party flirt with him and give him a huge hug in front of me. I almost killed the bitch. Of course, me almost killing someone means I smiled at her and shook her hand politely while I impaled her on a spike in my mind. I had no idea that I could be so jealous. Frankly, I'm not used to the competition. I tend to avoid it by being the only girl in the room or by accurately reading and exploiting each man's weakness to my own advantage. I wasn't expecting some bubbly bitch to come in and spoil my game.
To this day, Tom says he doesn't really remember the incident. I think he does and I think it makes him smile. As well it should.
For example, why am I compelled to flirt with any man who pays attention to me? In the last couple of days I have found myself laying it on pretty thick and being completely unable to stop myself. (Ahem- ovulating- ahem hem) Most of these guys are not really my type. I can tell they're not really my type because they are actually paying attention to me. I normally don't fall for that kind of crap. I like them troubled, dark, and in need of saving. Man, I love that shit. But these guys I've been flirting with lately- not a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever pursue any of them.
Okay, so Tommer's not the troubled, dark or in need of saving type. But he can and does brood from time to time and I find it incredibly attractive. Sick, isn't it?
Anyway, I found myself flirting with a colleague the other day who is also married and has a kid. I like this guy. He's pretty darn nice, but I can't stand his taste in music and I think his taste in film is rather infantile. But, he has a beautiful smile and gave weird compliments like "I'd like to meet this husband of yours, he'd have to be a pretty cool guy if he married you." Okay, let's face it, that is something I hear a lot and I know that it is totally a cheap way for a guy to scope out the competition- even if he's not really planning on competing. He just wants to know where he might be in the pecking order should we end up in a small group together and have to repopulate the Earth. Would he have a chance to pass on his seed in an extreme emergency? I do the same thing, I'm just a bit more subtle about it. I don't mention any other women at all. I just see if I can hold his attention. That's all I need to know, really.
I sound totally cocky, but this is all subconscious stuff that I don't really consider in the moment. It is only after dissecting my patterns that I can make these assumptions. It is pretty clear to me how I process this information. What isn't really clear to me is how I am totally locked into the behavior. It's kind of like that moment when you find yourself on your 10th or 11th trip to the bathroom at your local watering hole and you realize "Oh, shit! I am Dee-RUNK!" and you start to giggle thinking to yourself that you should watch your mouth and get out before you make a big, giant ass out of yourself only to stay for another three hours, kiss the bartender and wind up doing the Lambada with some geezer the regulars call "Larry the Squid".
I'm just sayin'.
Let's just say that my husband has to be the most patient and secure man alive. He's seen me do it. We've known eachother for 15 years and been together for almost 13. He knew what he was getting into. Once, about 10 or 11 years ago, I saw this chick at a wrap party flirt with him and give him a huge hug in front of me. I almost killed the bitch. Of course, me almost killing someone means I smiled at her and shook her hand politely while I impaled her on a spike in my mind. I had no idea that I could be so jealous. Frankly, I'm not used to the competition. I tend to avoid it by being the only girl in the room or by accurately reading and exploiting each man's weakness to my own advantage. I wasn't expecting some bubbly bitch to come in and spoil my game.
To this day, Tom says he doesn't really remember the incident. I think he does and I think it makes him smile. As well it should.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 10:13 PM
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