Living Like a Single Gal

This past week I've put my son to bed a total of two times.

I've been out and about enjoying a social and professional calendar that I've not known for years. I waiver between absolute giddiness because I feel I am using my talents and my smarts to their fullest and guilt because I am out gallavanting around while my son is drawing me pictures and writing notes to me in my absence. I know we need to separate from one another at some point. I know that most mothers dont get to spend the time with their children that I've gotten to spend with my son. I also know that I've been begging for a way out for a few years. It's just that out has a bit of a price.

Balance is an extraordinarily difficult thing to find when your heart is so heavily weighted to one side. As much as I long to find myself again and be that loud, talky babe that everyone listens to whether they want to or not (can't avoid her!) I also want to have another kid and hang out at the park and feel those chubby little hugs again. I want to watch my son play with his friends and eavesdrop on his philosophical four year old conversations. They sound a lot like that Chris Farley talk show on Saturday Night Live; "Remember when Jafar turned into a snake? Yeah, that was cool..." So my question is, do I have to spend the rest of my life being pulled in 10 directions at once?

You really can't have it all. Not the way they told us.