Through the Spammer's Lens
If you judged me by my Inbox you would think me a thouroughly deranged individual.
According to the spammers I am a ne'er do well stock trader with a tiny penis and erectile dysfunction. Poor fella. Apparently, since I have so much trouble below the belt I take out my frustrations by consuming copious amounts of pornography involving farm animals, drunk teenage girls and the occasional "fatty". That sounds a tad masochistic considering my difficulties in that region. But, the spammers also know that I like the finer things in life and have opened their virtual trench coats to offer me Rolex watches at an amazing discount. Just before you start to think my Inbox paints me as a total loser you'll run across mail from modeling and talent agencies who think I'm gorgeous and, for a nominal fee, will get me started in a lucrative career in the entertainment industry. Of course, in order to really get a jump on that career opportunity I will have to lose a few pounds. Luckily, there is are spammers to help me with that, too! Which is great because then I can feel slim and confident when I attend these VIP events in Miami, Las Vegas and New York that are so exclusive that only 4 million people have received these coveted invitations. While I am busy club hopping and jet setting with other stock trading perverts with sadly flaccid members I can also get cheap presciption medication from Canada to keep my abused body functioning. At the end of the 72 hour day, when I am trashed and yet too wired to sleep, the spammers have an answer to my sleep dysfunction as well. There's a pill for everything and when there's no pill, there's a "system" to combat all my most embarassing ailments. I'm just waiting for the day when I get spammed with actual Spam.
Really, I hope the Bush Administration's illegal wiretapping is getting better intelligence on me. I'd hate for them to be misled.
According to the spammers I am a ne'er do well stock trader with a tiny penis and erectile dysfunction. Poor fella. Apparently, since I have so much trouble below the belt I take out my frustrations by consuming copious amounts of pornography involving farm animals, drunk teenage girls and the occasional "fatty". That sounds a tad masochistic considering my difficulties in that region. But, the spammers also know that I like the finer things in life and have opened their virtual trench coats to offer me Rolex watches at an amazing discount. Just before you start to think my Inbox paints me as a total loser you'll run across mail from modeling and talent agencies who think I'm gorgeous and, for a nominal fee, will get me started in a lucrative career in the entertainment industry. Of course, in order to really get a jump on that career opportunity I will have to lose a few pounds. Luckily, there is are spammers to help me with that, too! Which is great because then I can feel slim and confident when I attend these VIP events in Miami, Las Vegas and New York that are so exclusive that only 4 million people have received these coveted invitations. While I am busy club hopping and jet setting with other stock trading perverts with sadly flaccid members I can also get cheap presciption medication from Canada to keep my abused body functioning. At the end of the 72 hour day, when I am trashed and yet too wired to sleep, the spammers have an answer to my sleep dysfunction as well. There's a pill for everything and when there's no pill, there's a "system" to combat all my most embarassing ailments. I'm just waiting for the day when I get spammed with actual Spam.
Really, I hope the Bush Administration's illegal wiretapping is getting better intelligence on me. I'd hate for them to be misled.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 12:51 PM
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