Applied Lessons of Love
It occurs to me that we pay a lot of lip service to the power of love and it has lost its meaning. I even feel oogy just writing the phrase. It's corny, overdone, cliche and sickeningly sweet. I suppose that is why my inner cynic rolls her eyes and makes the "yap yap yap" hand signal in my head whenever I hear anyone talk about it. Although, usually it isn't the message, its the messanger who has zero credibility with me. After all, the power they are usually talking about is the power that comes from withholding love. There are so many conditions to the American Christian's capacity for love. (Not ALL, I am aware that most of you are more open than we give you credit, but your representatives do not serve you well in this area.) I love you, but you cannot have the same rights and priviledges as I do if... I love you, but I believe you are going to burn for all eternity and all these natural disasters and acts of terrorism are your fault, etc. etc.
I'm really quite heartbroken about it.
What these giant yapping maws seem to forget is that love is an unconditional directive from the Universe. This does not mean we have to be namby pamby little pussies who float around talking to the flowers and do not demand accountability for bad behavior. Being loved does not excuse you from personal responsibility for what you put out in the world. Love also has a firm, dark side that calls us to uphold certain standards of interpersonal behavior. But love also understands that people who have their needs met and who are happy do not cause harm to others. Happy people do not fly planes into buildings, shoot up post offices or schools. People who feel secure do not steal, lie or cheat the elderly out of their tiny pensions. People who are confident and have adequate emotional support will not find it necessary to play "I bet my balls are bigger than yours". And it isn't education that will save the day either. Smart, well educated people do just as much to fuck up the world and your average idiot. In fact, I'd say the educated do more than their fair share. Yes, we need to have consequences for people's misdeeds, but that does not solve the problem.
I know, I know, I'm insanely niave to suggest that providing a stable, loving and supportive environment for each human being will solve all of our problems. I'm even stupid to suggest that it is possible. But, our major issues are economic only because we have placed such value on it. Money has no truth in it except for the truth we place IN it. We cannot solve the world's problems with money. It would take several generations to solve the world's problems MY way and it would take a massive effort to convince people to even try. But what we've got isn't really working, is it?
Now here's the twist, the secret is NOT a selfless loving and giving society. I am coming to the conclusion that it is a selfishly loving society that would have the leg up on Utopia. Why selfish? Because love should be seen as self preservation, something necessary for survival (and it is) and should be as much about loving yourself as it is about loving others. We should each have very clear boundaries and feel right in having them. We should be allowed and encouraged to protect ourselves as much as we are encouraged to go out and give of ourselves. It is not as simple as going out and giving our all and hoping that there will be some scraps left over for us. No, we need to value ourselves equally. This martyr crap wears pretty thin and it does not work.
Sullivan has been watching this Rankin-Bass cartoon version of "A Christmas Carol" with Walter Mathau as Scrooge and Tom Bosley as the Humbug. It's a musical, which is funny because you can practically feel the jowls flapping through the musical numbers. Anyway, the last song is a solo by Scrooge that I can only assume is called "Mankind Should Be My Business" and it may be trite but I think it is true. You don't have to give away all your riches, but you can share that which is uniquely you with your fellow man. We are not meant to sit inside and peer suspiciously out our windows. We are supposed to take those gifts that are specific to us and share them with the world without shame or malice. Money is only an obstacle if you make it one.
Remind me that I said that, because I am going to need to hear it from time to time.
Onward and upward, my friends, onward and upward.
I'm really quite heartbroken about it.
What these giant yapping maws seem to forget is that love is an unconditional directive from the Universe. This does not mean we have to be namby pamby little pussies who float around talking to the flowers and do not demand accountability for bad behavior. Being loved does not excuse you from personal responsibility for what you put out in the world. Love also has a firm, dark side that calls us to uphold certain standards of interpersonal behavior. But love also understands that people who have their needs met and who are happy do not cause harm to others. Happy people do not fly planes into buildings, shoot up post offices or schools. People who feel secure do not steal, lie or cheat the elderly out of their tiny pensions. People who are confident and have adequate emotional support will not find it necessary to play "I bet my balls are bigger than yours". And it isn't education that will save the day either. Smart, well educated people do just as much to fuck up the world and your average idiot. In fact, I'd say the educated do more than their fair share. Yes, we need to have consequences for people's misdeeds, but that does not solve the problem.
I know, I know, I'm insanely niave to suggest that providing a stable, loving and supportive environment for each human being will solve all of our problems. I'm even stupid to suggest that it is possible. But, our major issues are economic only because we have placed such value on it. Money has no truth in it except for the truth we place IN it. We cannot solve the world's problems with money. It would take several generations to solve the world's problems MY way and it would take a massive effort to convince people to even try. But what we've got isn't really working, is it?
Now here's the twist, the secret is NOT a selfless loving and giving society. I am coming to the conclusion that it is a selfishly loving society that would have the leg up on Utopia. Why selfish? Because love should be seen as self preservation, something necessary for survival (and it is) and should be as much about loving yourself as it is about loving others. We should each have very clear boundaries and feel right in having them. We should be allowed and encouraged to protect ourselves as much as we are encouraged to go out and give of ourselves. It is not as simple as going out and giving our all and hoping that there will be some scraps left over for us. No, we need to value ourselves equally. This martyr crap wears pretty thin and it does not work.
Sullivan has been watching this Rankin-Bass cartoon version of "A Christmas Carol" with Walter Mathau as Scrooge and Tom Bosley as the Humbug. It's a musical, which is funny because you can practically feel the jowls flapping through the musical numbers. Anyway, the last song is a solo by Scrooge that I can only assume is called "Mankind Should Be My Business" and it may be trite but I think it is true. You don't have to give away all your riches, but you can share that which is uniquely you with your fellow man. We are not meant to sit inside and peer suspiciously out our windows. We are supposed to take those gifts that are specific to us and share them with the world without shame or malice. Money is only an obstacle if you make it one.
Remind me that I said that, because I am going to need to hear it from time to time.
Onward and upward, my friends, onward and upward.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 1:11 PM
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