Props

I know a freakin' truckload of smart and talented people. I've always had them around me and I hope I always will. It's great to be around you, but I do have a favor to ask...

When you get famous and go on talk shows to plug your latest project, will you give a little shout out to me? Maybe tell Jon Stewart that you would have married me if I hadn't already been taken? Tell Charlie Rose that I am your inspiration, your muse, and your kick in the ass? Tell David Letterman that if it weren't for me and my giant bag of survival snacks that you would have starved to death? If you could also throw in little tidbits about how unusual I am and you could even do that impression of me that you've been doing for years behind my back. It's okay. I think it's funny. Except for that unflattering underwear snapping thing. That just doesn't make me look so cool. But the part when you go ballistic on James Cameron's ass and tell him what a fucking sucky film "Titanic" is- yeah, that's spot on, baby. If you could do that for me that'd be great because I am sick of working for my own fifteen minutes. It would be much nicer if it were handed to me on a silver platter.

I appreciate it.