My Chiropractor
Flirting is such a huge part of my personality. I can't help it.
Okay, that's a lie. Most times I can help it and I am totally aware that I am doing it. But today, the flirting just went out of control and it was like some horrible nightmare of me being lost in some ridiculous sitcom from hell.
My chiropractor is handing over her practice to someone new. I went in today to meet the new guy and, I don't really know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't Doogie. This guy is young. Really young. He wasn't really my type, but I could see how someone else might find him attractive in that soft, young sort of way. While my brain was observing these events it could do nothing to control the idiotic blather coming out of my mouth. I was giggling like a school girl and making wise cracks about my back injuries and car accidents as if they were kooky anectdotes from my book of giddy school girl antics.
What's worse is that he giggled back at me and flashed me his sweet little boy smile while he demonstrated his top of the line bedside manner. At last! Someone is going to take care of me! I was on auto-pilot and couldn't help rewarding him with my lighter than air quips and combination giggle hair flip. The latter is difficult to do when you have back pain and very short hair, but when necessary I can do it. It is Pavlovian. When an attractive man gives me attention for any reason I can't help but do the doe eyes, giggle and forearm touch- oh, you know what I'm talking about! It's instinct and I am wired for survival and procreation. Not that I would ever seriously pursue a guy like that (or any guy, because I'm married) but I do my best to keep as many options open as I can. Let's face it, men wear out quickly like Kmart shoes so I can't afford to discourage anyone's affections! Not my chiropractor's or my Dunkin Donuts guy or my closest friends.
I hope all of you men out there realize that my flirting is animal instinct and I can't really control it under certain circumstances. If you're going to give me support, a compliment, a beer, or just the warmth of your friendship my system will be forced to smile, blush, and provide gentle and ambiguous touching to your shoulders, forearms and/or faces.
Don't take it seriously. It's just instinct.
Okay, that's a lie. Most times I can help it and I am totally aware that I am doing it. But today, the flirting just went out of control and it was like some horrible nightmare of me being lost in some ridiculous sitcom from hell.
My chiropractor is handing over her practice to someone new. I went in today to meet the new guy and, I don't really know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't Doogie. This guy is young. Really young. He wasn't really my type, but I could see how someone else might find him attractive in that soft, young sort of way. While my brain was observing these events it could do nothing to control the idiotic blather coming out of my mouth. I was giggling like a school girl and making wise cracks about my back injuries and car accidents as if they were kooky anectdotes from my book of giddy school girl antics.
What's worse is that he giggled back at me and flashed me his sweet little boy smile while he demonstrated his top of the line bedside manner. At last! Someone is going to take care of me! I was on auto-pilot and couldn't help rewarding him with my lighter than air quips and combination giggle hair flip. The latter is difficult to do when you have back pain and very short hair, but when necessary I can do it. It is Pavlovian. When an attractive man gives me attention for any reason I can't help but do the doe eyes, giggle and forearm touch- oh, you know what I'm talking about! It's instinct and I am wired for survival and procreation. Not that I would ever seriously pursue a guy like that (or any guy, because I'm married) but I do my best to keep as many options open as I can. Let's face it, men wear out quickly like Kmart shoes so I can't afford to discourage anyone's affections! Not my chiropractor's or my Dunkin Donuts guy or my closest friends.
I hope all of you men out there realize that my flirting is animal instinct and I can't really control it under certain circumstances. If you're going to give me support, a compliment, a beer, or just the warmth of your friendship my system will be forced to smile, blush, and provide gentle and ambiguous touching to your shoulders, forearms and/or faces.
Don't take it seriously. It's just instinct.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 2:23 PM
1 Comments:
In high school the KEN all determined that somehow women have planted a chip in each man's forearm from which, with the flirty forearm touch, they can retrieve all available information about that man and then decide whether it's worth continuing to flirt with him or not. I understand that you can't admit to this, as it's the prime directive of your gender to keep it a secret, but it does perfectly explain how all flirting with KEN ends shortly after that forearm touch.
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