A Little Ketchup for my Size 8 1/2
I can't sleep.
I can't stop thinking about every stupid thing I've ever said.
My embarrassment is keeping me awake.
That and my sciatica.
Aren't I too young to be kept awake by sciatic pain and bitter regret?
Maybe.
Don't get me wrong, this mood will pass and I will be happy go lucky tomorrow- once I come out of the haze of my walking coma caused by lack of sleep. But I do wonder if anyone else stays up late punishing themselves for stupid gaffes the way I do. I would venture a guess that 98% of these stupid things have been forgiven or forgotten long ago. So why do I have these difficult nights?
Once I said that "...in 10 years they'll be crawling over broken glass to work with me." I remember saying it and I remember the shocked stares and uncomfortable silence that followed. I've got about four more years to justify that comment. In high school I told a bulimic who wailed about the injustice of having to watch what she ate that I had to watch what I ate too, only the other way around. See, I have to make sure I'm eating or my thyroid problem would have me waste away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Yeah, I really know how to put my foot in my mouth. Chances are, if you've known me for any length of time, I've said something really stupid to you. I have probably said it with conviction, too.
Sorry about that.
I can't stop thinking about every stupid thing I've ever said.
My embarrassment is keeping me awake.
That and my sciatica.
Aren't I too young to be kept awake by sciatic pain and bitter regret?
Maybe.
Don't get me wrong, this mood will pass and I will be happy go lucky tomorrow- once I come out of the haze of my walking coma caused by lack of sleep. But I do wonder if anyone else stays up late punishing themselves for stupid gaffes the way I do. I would venture a guess that 98% of these stupid things have been forgiven or forgotten long ago. So why do I have these difficult nights?
Once I said that "...in 10 years they'll be crawling over broken glass to work with me." I remember saying it and I remember the shocked stares and uncomfortable silence that followed. I've got about four more years to justify that comment. In high school I told a bulimic who wailed about the injustice of having to watch what she ate that I had to watch what I ate too, only the other way around. See, I have to make sure I'm eating or my thyroid problem would have me waste away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Yeah, I really know how to put my foot in my mouth. Chances are, if you've known me for any length of time, I've said something really stupid to you. I have probably said it with conviction, too.
Sorry about that.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 3:53 AM
2 Comments:
I swear I still remember all the stupid shit I've ever said. Hell, some of it was to you. My strategy is to keep on saying stupid shit so at least I don't spend all my time obsessing about crap from the '80s and '90s.
I don't remember you saying anything stupid. Of course, I was so self-involved at the time that I probably didn't hear what you said anyway. That's even worse than saying something stupid. I have serious regrets about that. I guess you just can't get through life without being a huge idiot at one time or another. I just wish I was less, well, less consistent!
Oh well, go with what you know.
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