THEY!!!
I think it is fair to say that we are afraid.
It is amazing how terrified we are of the unidentified "other". It's almost laughable, really. And yet, this "they", these predators that are supposed to be lurking around every corner somehow fail to appear.
I'm not completely niave. I know there are jackasses out there and I know there are remorseless opportunists looking for just the right rube to come along, but my experience with the human race one on one has been pretty positive.
Let's look at it this way; I'm a spunky redhead who has lived in an urban environment for my entire adulthood. I've run across many, many, many men who have been concerned about my safety as I navigate the city after hours. I've rarely encountered these awful beasts that are supposed to prey on women walking to the corner store at 7:00 PM. This is not to say that I am not careful and do not take proper precautions when I am walking alone at night. I'm just saying that perhaps my chances of being mugged, raped and murdered on any given evening are not as high as I have been lead to believe. In fact, I am more likely to run in to some middle aged Italian guy sitting on his stoop with an espresso and a baseball bat looking to defend foolish women like me than I am to run into a murderous thug with a 24 hour hard on. Of course, part of my night time safety plan is the neighborhoods I choose to live in.
I read the police blotter in my neighborhood. Crime happens here, too. I get that. I just don't want to live in fear. I don't want to live in fear as a woman, a mother, a New Yorker, an American... it seems that the greater part of society would like me to believe that I wear a bullseye on my back and it is only a matter of time before something terrible happens to me too.
A friend of mine was mugged in the subway a few weeks ago. I guess some guy just walked up to him, punched him right in the nose and took his wallet. Broke his nose. I've heard tales of Manhattanites, who are 3 degrees of seperation away from yours truly, that have had their apartments broken into and that sort of thing. That is all terrible and I do not deny that it happened. A short while back I was involved in a late night incident where the poor man driving my cab was cut off by another car. The driver of the other car then sauntered up to our cab and began a verbal assault on the cab driver that gave me serious flashbacks to evenings in my adolesence that involved dark alleys and hockey sticks. Luckily, we were able to diffuse the situation before it escalated into physical violence. I know these things happen.
Even so, for every negative experience, for every jackass that has ever frightened me, raised a hand to me, or followed me home I have encountered at least 100 others that have been positive- or at the very least protective. After all, with my cab incident there were three bystanders who went out of their way to help. When I got groped by some little shit on a bicycle in broad daylight I had to get the neighborhood fellas to chill out and call off the angry, middle aged mob. (Kind of impotent, but sweet in its own deranged sort of way) For the most part, I feel like people are looking out for me. I always have my ears and eyes open- just in case. But it seems that I don't really have so much to worry about.
When I first moved to New York I had this irrational fear of urban kids. After all, aren't they supposed to be cooped up, undereducated, over weaponized little demons? One morning while waiting for the train I saw this group of kids on the subway platform and it looked like it was getting heated. There were a bunch of boys (My God! Not BOYS!) all around 8 to 11 years old all standing in an angry huddle around a big kid and a smaller kid. I worked to get closer to this group, immediately preparing myself to defend the little kid who was, obviously, being picked on by this big kid. Nobody picks on the little guy while I'm around! So, I inched my way closer and closer, developing my strategy for breaking up the melee which was no doubt close at hand. When I got close enough to hear what they were saying, I discovered just how way off base I had been.
The smaller kid was actually the leader. The others in the circle were HIS goons. Once I was within earshot I heard the smaller boy say this:
"How is it POSSIBLE that you don't believe in evolution?"
The other kids echoed their agreement with Napoleon. I hid behind a pillar and laughed. That is when I noticed some other adults nearby doing the same.
Fear isolates us and leaves us vulnerable. It is when we look into the face of fear that we discover our allies, our protectors and those who need us. I don't believe in "them". "They" are not out to "get" me. My experience has taught me that most people are trustworthy enough to nod "hello" to after 8:00PM. Not all men are rapists. Not all quiet neighbors are Jeffrey Dahmer. Most people are actually, pretty damn nice.
Even in New York.
Especially in Brooklyn.
It is amazing how terrified we are of the unidentified "other". It's almost laughable, really. And yet, this "they", these predators that are supposed to be lurking around every corner somehow fail to appear.
I'm not completely niave. I know there are jackasses out there and I know there are remorseless opportunists looking for just the right rube to come along, but my experience with the human race one on one has been pretty positive.
Let's look at it this way; I'm a spunky redhead who has lived in an urban environment for my entire adulthood. I've run across many, many, many men who have been concerned about my safety as I navigate the city after hours. I've rarely encountered these awful beasts that are supposed to prey on women walking to the corner store at 7:00 PM. This is not to say that I am not careful and do not take proper precautions when I am walking alone at night. I'm just saying that perhaps my chances of being mugged, raped and murdered on any given evening are not as high as I have been lead to believe. In fact, I am more likely to run in to some middle aged Italian guy sitting on his stoop with an espresso and a baseball bat looking to defend foolish women like me than I am to run into a murderous thug with a 24 hour hard on. Of course, part of my night time safety plan is the neighborhoods I choose to live in.
I read the police blotter in my neighborhood. Crime happens here, too. I get that. I just don't want to live in fear. I don't want to live in fear as a woman, a mother, a New Yorker, an American... it seems that the greater part of society would like me to believe that I wear a bullseye on my back and it is only a matter of time before something terrible happens to me too.
A friend of mine was mugged in the subway a few weeks ago. I guess some guy just walked up to him, punched him right in the nose and took his wallet. Broke his nose. I've heard tales of Manhattanites, who are 3 degrees of seperation away from yours truly, that have had their apartments broken into and that sort of thing. That is all terrible and I do not deny that it happened. A short while back I was involved in a late night incident where the poor man driving my cab was cut off by another car. The driver of the other car then sauntered up to our cab and began a verbal assault on the cab driver that gave me serious flashbacks to evenings in my adolesence that involved dark alleys and hockey sticks. Luckily, we were able to diffuse the situation before it escalated into physical violence. I know these things happen.
Even so, for every negative experience, for every jackass that has ever frightened me, raised a hand to me, or followed me home I have encountered at least 100 others that have been positive- or at the very least protective. After all, with my cab incident there were three bystanders who went out of their way to help. When I got groped by some little shit on a bicycle in broad daylight I had to get the neighborhood fellas to chill out and call off the angry, middle aged mob. (Kind of impotent, but sweet in its own deranged sort of way) For the most part, I feel like people are looking out for me. I always have my ears and eyes open- just in case. But it seems that I don't really have so much to worry about.
When I first moved to New York I had this irrational fear of urban kids. After all, aren't they supposed to be cooped up, undereducated, over weaponized little demons? One morning while waiting for the train I saw this group of kids on the subway platform and it looked like it was getting heated. There were a bunch of boys (My God! Not BOYS!) all around 8 to 11 years old all standing in an angry huddle around a big kid and a smaller kid. I worked to get closer to this group, immediately preparing myself to defend the little kid who was, obviously, being picked on by this big kid. Nobody picks on the little guy while I'm around! So, I inched my way closer and closer, developing my strategy for breaking up the melee which was no doubt close at hand. When I got close enough to hear what they were saying, I discovered just how way off base I had been.
The smaller kid was actually the leader. The others in the circle were HIS goons. Once I was within earshot I heard the smaller boy say this:
"How is it POSSIBLE that you don't believe in evolution?"
The other kids echoed their agreement with Napoleon. I hid behind a pillar and laughed. That is when I noticed some other adults nearby doing the same.
Fear isolates us and leaves us vulnerable. It is when we look into the face of fear that we discover our allies, our protectors and those who need us. I don't believe in "them". "They" are not out to "get" me. My experience has taught me that most people are trustworthy enough to nod "hello" to after 8:00PM. Not all men are rapists. Not all quiet neighbors are Jeffrey Dahmer. Most people are actually, pretty damn nice.
Even in New York.
Especially in Brooklyn.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 2:35 AM
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