Gone Fishin'
I am having so much trouble focusing today!
I imagine that is because I was up until 2:00 this morning and then have to get up at 7:00. I know, that is still 5 hours sleep and if I wasn't such a wimp I'd be able to hack it! But, I am a wimp and I need 7 hours. I've been so disoriented all day. Tom set his alarm for 4:30 this morning and it woke me up. I was so confused and I kept asking him why he was getting up and if it was time for me to get up. Why is it so dark? Why are y ou getting up, again? Do I have to go to work?
Honestly, Tom must have thought I was completely nuts.
My Spanish class this morning was an absolute drag. We're STILL not conjugating verbs and I am about to pull my hair out. I'd stop going, but it's free. The bargain hunting animal in me cannot resist a deal like that. I did ask when we were going to get down to it and she said next week. We'll see. I'm pretty patient with new teachers, but come on!
I am avoiding things. I have promo stuff to write and I know if I sat down to it I could finish this play by the end of the week. I just can't get stop flirting long enough to get to work.
Yeah, it's this very guilty, horrible thing that I do. I'm so desperate for attention, I guess, so I've been out there fishing with some of my male friends. They aren't stupid. They know I'm doing it and they oblige me with a double entendre here or a compliment there. I hate that I need it. I hate that I so shamelessly seek it. I wish I was stronger than that. It's almost an out of body experience when I do it. I can watch myself playing the game but I am helpless to stop it. A little would not be so bad, but I catch myself doing it with such regularity and purpose that I know my ego must be in pretty bad shape. It makes me wonder why these guys play along. I love them for it. It's very kind of them to play so nicely with the lumpy house frau especially since there are no real rewards for doing so.
Tom and I once had a discussion about this. I asked him if he ever flirts and he said that he did at work sometimes, if he needed something done or something like that. I was expecting him to ask me the same question. He didn't. He just said that he knew that I flirted. I asked him how he knew-preparing to be offended. He said, "You go out to a bar with $20 in your pocket, come home drunk and still have $20 in your pocket." Touche. How and why he puts up with all of my male friends, I am not sure I understand. After all, the only male friends I've had that he objected to were guys that were absolutely no threat to him at all. None. He wasn't even bothered by the married junky who tried to smooch my tonsils. He did, however, want to punch out the guy that I used to shoot pool and smoke cigars with who never once made any kind of pass at me. He was part of my little circle of friends. He wasn't particularly attractive and I had absolutely no interest in him beyond discussing politics and beating him at pool. (The only guy in the world I CAN beat at pool!) But the guys who talked to me as close friends, who expressed real and personal concern for me, who spent lots of time with me in cramped dressing rooms (yup. Co-ed dressing rooms, ain't that every Mom and Pop's worst nightmare? It's just nowhere near as sexy as it sounds.), talked to me for extended periods of time on the phone and were my drinking buddies- these guys didn't seem to bother him a bit.
I kind of wish they did.
I imagine that is because I was up until 2:00 this morning and then have to get up at 7:00. I know, that is still 5 hours sleep and if I wasn't such a wimp I'd be able to hack it! But, I am a wimp and I need 7 hours. I've been so disoriented all day. Tom set his alarm for 4:30 this morning and it woke me up. I was so confused and I kept asking him why he was getting up and if it was time for me to get up. Why is it so dark? Why are y ou getting up, again? Do I have to go to work?
Honestly, Tom must have thought I was completely nuts.
My Spanish class this morning was an absolute drag. We're STILL not conjugating verbs and I am about to pull my hair out. I'd stop going, but it's free. The bargain hunting animal in me cannot resist a deal like that. I did ask when we were going to get down to it and she said next week. We'll see. I'm pretty patient with new teachers, but come on!
I am avoiding things. I have promo stuff to write and I know if I sat down to it I could finish this play by the end of the week. I just can't get stop flirting long enough to get to work.
Yeah, it's this very guilty, horrible thing that I do. I'm so desperate for attention, I guess, so I've been out there fishing with some of my male friends. They aren't stupid. They know I'm doing it and they oblige me with a double entendre here or a compliment there. I hate that I need it. I hate that I so shamelessly seek it. I wish I was stronger than that. It's almost an out of body experience when I do it. I can watch myself playing the game but I am helpless to stop it. A little would not be so bad, but I catch myself doing it with such regularity and purpose that I know my ego must be in pretty bad shape. It makes me wonder why these guys play along. I love them for it. It's very kind of them to play so nicely with the lumpy house frau especially since there are no real rewards for doing so.
Tom and I once had a discussion about this. I asked him if he ever flirts and he said that he did at work sometimes, if he needed something done or something like that. I was expecting him to ask me the same question. He didn't. He just said that he knew that I flirted. I asked him how he knew-preparing to be offended. He said, "You go out to a bar with $20 in your pocket, come home drunk and still have $20 in your pocket." Touche. How and why he puts up with all of my male friends, I am not sure I understand. After all, the only male friends I've had that he objected to were guys that were absolutely no threat to him at all. None. He wasn't even bothered by the married junky who tried to smooch my tonsils. He did, however, want to punch out the guy that I used to shoot pool and smoke cigars with who never once made any kind of pass at me. He was part of my little circle of friends. He wasn't particularly attractive and I had absolutely no interest in him beyond discussing politics and beating him at pool. (The only guy in the world I CAN beat at pool!) But the guys who talked to me as close friends, who expressed real and personal concern for me, who spent lots of time with me in cramped dressing rooms (yup. Co-ed dressing rooms, ain't that every Mom and Pop's worst nightmare? It's just nowhere near as sexy as it sounds.), talked to me for extended periods of time on the phone and were my drinking buddies- these guys didn't seem to bother him a bit.
I kind of wish they did.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 4:40 PM
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