Judgement
I just figured out a little something that has been like a pointy stone stuck between my toes in triple knotted shoes. Some of my friends actually judge me! No wonder I get my feathers ruffled when I hear certain talking heads say something ignorant and judgemental about my lifestyle (which is anything BUT alternative) or my parenting style. It isn't so much that what these jerkoffs say (except for Pat Robertson- he pissed me off on a completely different level) is that important to me. It's just easier for me to get angry at them than it is for me to admit that some of my closest friends make very ignorant judgments about me and how I live my life, raise my child and run my household.
Last night I went out with a friend (single, no kids, but very much wanting them) and I could feel her judgment. I felt her look down her nose at my unruly child - who, in all honesty, was just so excited to see her and it was right after dinner when he is already so taxed from his day that he could get super happy and hyper or he could get sullen and weepy just because it's after 5:00. Of course, she doesn't realize this because...SHE HAS NO CHILDREN! I can see her choking back advice on how to raise my kid so that he doesn't do that and as much as I absolutely love her, I want to smack her right in the mouth for thinking it.
And she's not the only one. Funny thing is, the people who are actually in the trenches of child rearing have their opinions but, for the most part, they stay opnions. They understand that there are a million plus ways of dealing with any issue you may have with your child and, the cool ones, don't rip you apart with their stares just because you have made a choice that they wouldn't have made themselves. A lot of single, childless people I know do. What I find REALLY hysterical (and so fucking frustrating I could scream and rip my fucking hair out and shove it in bloody fistfuls down someone's throat) is that these same single, childless people will preach to me about raising children who are smart, question authority, and are free and creative thinkers as adults are the very same who insist that I use dictatorial methods and intimidation to keep my child "in line". Well, how can he learn to question the world around him if I am constantly saying "Because I said so!"?(Which I do say from time to time, but I try to pick my battles.)
I'm not saying I'm the world's greatest parent- that moniker belongs to a pair of super parents I know named Margaret and Jonathan- but I'm pretty good. Sullivan adores me and I adore him. We spend a lot of time together and a good portion of it is quality interaction. Does he make me nuts? Hell yeah. But he is bright, kind, happy, inquisitive and sensitive and that SHOULD be enough to allow me to brush off criticism, either outright or implied, from my friends.
But... they're my friends. Man, that smarts.
Last night I went out with a friend (single, no kids, but very much wanting them) and I could feel her judgment. I felt her look down her nose at my unruly child - who, in all honesty, was just so excited to see her and it was right after dinner when he is already so taxed from his day that he could get super happy and hyper or he could get sullen and weepy just because it's after 5:00. Of course, she doesn't realize this because...SHE HAS NO CHILDREN! I can see her choking back advice on how to raise my kid so that he doesn't do that and as much as I absolutely love her, I want to smack her right in the mouth for thinking it.
And she's not the only one. Funny thing is, the people who are actually in the trenches of child rearing have their opinions but, for the most part, they stay opnions. They understand that there are a million plus ways of dealing with any issue you may have with your child and, the cool ones, don't rip you apart with their stares just because you have made a choice that they wouldn't have made themselves. A lot of single, childless people I know do. What I find REALLY hysterical (and so fucking frustrating I could scream and rip my fucking hair out and shove it in bloody fistfuls down someone's throat) is that these same single, childless people will preach to me about raising children who are smart, question authority, and are free and creative thinkers as adults are the very same who insist that I use dictatorial methods and intimidation to keep my child "in line". Well, how can he learn to question the world around him if I am constantly saying "Because I said so!"?(Which I do say from time to time, but I try to pick my battles.)
I'm not saying I'm the world's greatest parent- that moniker belongs to a pair of super parents I know named Margaret and Jonathan- but I'm pretty good. Sullivan adores me and I adore him. We spend a lot of time together and a good portion of it is quality interaction. Does he make me nuts? Hell yeah. But he is bright, kind, happy, inquisitive and sensitive and that SHOULD be enough to allow me to brush off criticism, either outright or implied, from my friends.
But... they're my friends. Man, that smarts.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 11:13 AM
1 Comments:
My Dad: It's a good thing you've decided not to have kids. Because then we'd probably have to tell you you're raising them wrong.
Yeah, we all have our opinions on this matter. Be thankful when someone can at least keep their mouth shut about it. The alternative is probably a lot worse.
Like my idea of free range, full feed children constantly herded by cattle dogs. Damn it, it worked for me!
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