That Smites!
Throughout my lifetime I have only briefly and playfully entertained the fear of human extinction. I don't necessarily think that is what is happening now, but if it WAS happening, I sure as hell don't blame planet Earth for wanting to rid itself of these pesky parasites once and for all. Unfortunately, that does not bode well at all for my plans to become wealthy and enjoy a life of luxury in Tahiti with a cabana boy named Jeffrey.
Now the thought crosses my mind with alarming frequency as of late. My intellectual side refuses to believe such nonsense and I go about my day doing my activities as usual. Then my crazy primal self comes out a few times a day to wonder at the mysterious light in the refrigerator, marvel at the synchronicity of sundown and the streetlamps beginning to glow, and then I throw myself upon the mercy of a vengeful God that delights in torturing the masses in order to further humiliate George W. Bush.
You see, God didn't vote for Bush. That's pretty clear. I almost feel sorry for the guy. First off, God put him in a power hungry family and gave him only limited intelligence. Then God gave him a smugness that could penetrate and irritate rhinoceros hide. They say that God never serves you up more than you can handle.
Clearly that is not true in the case of George W. Bush.
If you are keeping track, this Christian President has kept a few of God's Commandments- in no particular order.
As far as I can tell, he honors his father and his mother. Of course, George Sr. was head of the CIA and could probably kill with a well aimed spear of broccoli and Barbara is a formidable creature herself. If you can imagine being mothered by a classist, power mad yeti you might be able to enter the mind of our current (shudder) President.
I have seen no evidence of graven images. Yeah, way to keep that commandment, W!
There are definitely no other Gods in W's world.
I don't know if he has committed adultery. Let's just give him a free pass on that one. I can be charitable even though DL Hughley seems to think that W and Condi are knocking patent leather uppers.
I don't know if he has ever taken the Lord's name in vain. Although, if I had been President during 9/11, missed catching Osama bin Ladin, catapaulted my country into a monumental deficeit, left my fellow countrymen stranded in inhuman conditions after Katrina, been caught leading my country into an insane and unjust war, watched natural disaster after natural disaster pummel not only my own country but others around the world, watched my nincompoop friends fuck up in every position I appointed them to, and then had to defend myself I think I might let fly a few God damn its! But, that's just speculation.
I'm pretty sure he's worked on the odd Sunday. He's President after all, you'd think there'd be a phone call or something he'd have to take on the occassional Sunday. Of course- maybe not. That would explain a few things, wouldn't it?
Hmmmm, stealing... is it stealing to take an open position that should have been filled by someone with outstanding credentials and give it to someone who clearly has no experience whatsoever? Is it stealing to guard an occupied nation's oil while museums, palaces and other national treasures are allowed to be ransacked and looted? Is it considered stealing when there are questionable ballots and voting practices that put you in office in the first place?
Coveting your neighbor's wife. Yeah, I don't think this one is really fair. I mean, first you're not allowed to sleep with someone else if you are married and THEN you aren't allowed to even THINK about it. Aw, come on...
No bearing false witness...do I need to go over this one? WMD, Brownie's doing a heck of a job, if anyone in the White House is involved they will be fired, blah blah blah.
Well, coveting thy neighbor's goods...I only have three words to respond to that one. Oil, oil and oil.
Oh, I almost forget the killing one. Does it really count if you only order men to kill and die for their country? If you facilitate the killing but don't pull the trigger yourself? Oh wait- I forgot, he was the governor of Texas. He's got enough blood on his hands to make the Nile turning to blood look like only a flesh wound.
Be wary of a man like this who claims God is on his side.
Now the thought crosses my mind with alarming frequency as of late. My intellectual side refuses to believe such nonsense and I go about my day doing my activities as usual. Then my crazy primal self comes out a few times a day to wonder at the mysterious light in the refrigerator, marvel at the synchronicity of sundown and the streetlamps beginning to glow, and then I throw myself upon the mercy of a vengeful God that delights in torturing the masses in order to further humiliate George W. Bush.
You see, God didn't vote for Bush. That's pretty clear. I almost feel sorry for the guy. First off, God put him in a power hungry family and gave him only limited intelligence. Then God gave him a smugness that could penetrate and irritate rhinoceros hide. They say that God never serves you up more than you can handle.
Clearly that is not true in the case of George W. Bush.
If you are keeping track, this Christian President has kept a few of God's Commandments- in no particular order.
As far as I can tell, he honors his father and his mother. Of course, George Sr. was head of the CIA and could probably kill with a well aimed spear of broccoli and Barbara is a formidable creature herself. If you can imagine being mothered by a classist, power mad yeti you might be able to enter the mind of our current (shudder) President.
I have seen no evidence of graven images. Yeah, way to keep that commandment, W!
There are definitely no other Gods in W's world.
I don't know if he has committed adultery. Let's just give him a free pass on that one. I can be charitable even though DL Hughley seems to think that W and Condi are knocking patent leather uppers.
I don't know if he has ever taken the Lord's name in vain. Although, if I had been President during 9/11, missed catching Osama bin Ladin, catapaulted my country into a monumental deficeit, left my fellow countrymen stranded in inhuman conditions after Katrina, been caught leading my country into an insane and unjust war, watched natural disaster after natural disaster pummel not only my own country but others around the world, watched my nincompoop friends fuck up in every position I appointed them to, and then had to defend myself I think I might let fly a few God damn its! But, that's just speculation.
I'm pretty sure he's worked on the odd Sunday. He's President after all, you'd think there'd be a phone call or something he'd have to take on the occassional Sunday. Of course- maybe not. That would explain a few things, wouldn't it?
Hmmmm, stealing... is it stealing to take an open position that should have been filled by someone with outstanding credentials and give it to someone who clearly has no experience whatsoever? Is it stealing to guard an occupied nation's oil while museums, palaces and other national treasures are allowed to be ransacked and looted? Is it considered stealing when there are questionable ballots and voting practices that put you in office in the first place?
Coveting your neighbor's wife. Yeah, I don't think this one is really fair. I mean, first you're not allowed to sleep with someone else if you are married and THEN you aren't allowed to even THINK about it. Aw, come on...
No bearing false witness...do I need to go over this one? WMD, Brownie's doing a heck of a job, if anyone in the White House is involved they will be fired, blah blah blah.
Well, coveting thy neighbor's goods...I only have three words to respond to that one. Oil, oil and oil.
Oh, I almost forget the killing one. Does it really count if you only order men to kill and die for their country? If you facilitate the killing but don't pull the trigger yourself? Oh wait- I forgot, he was the governor of Texas. He's got enough blood on his hands to make the Nile turning to blood look like only a flesh wound.
Be wary of a man like this who claims God is on his side.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 2:15 AM
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