Skinny People

Here's the thing...

I don't think we actually like skinny, big-busted women. I think we are obsessed with them because of what they are- a FREAKSHOW! I think we often confuse our inability to look away with desire. When I see a teeny tiny woman with giant breasts I wonder two things. 1: Don't those get in her way? 2: Where the hell does she keep her internal organs?

I figured this out while watching Jayne Mansfield. Jayne had a luminous and lovely face, but it looked like she had to give up at least have of her large intestine to get that tiny a tummy. So I kept staring at her midrift just hoping for X-ray vision so I could unlock the mysteries of her gastrointestinal system. When I wasn't looking at her midrift, I was staring at her breasts, wondering what sort of support system she had devised. Of course, Jayne had hips so she didn't look so tragically top heavy. Oh- and Jayne's breasts were real.

But, when I apply this thinking to the phony, hyper sexed skinny women that populate the magazine stands it makes sense. They are hideously, misshapen freaks. Big boobs, no hips, no gut, stringy thighs, with permanant bedroom eyes. Can you imagine walking through life with that look on your face? I consider that a disability! Good for those girls, that they turn their unfortunate lot in life and turn it into a rewarding career! Why, that's a heartwarming tale about triumph over adversity.