Geo-Political Lessons from Parker Brothers
Ever play Risk?
I suck at it.
Want to know why?
I'll tell you.
When I play Risk I like to pretend that I am some megalomaniacal dictator bent on world domination and the destruction of all that I personally find (arbitrarily) disagreeable. I never win. As soon as I conquer I get cocky. I spread my armies all over the map and it doesn't take long before my opponent catches on to how arrogant and stupid I am. I do not HAVE to attack every single chance I get. I could prioritize.
Quietly, my opponent(s) fortify armies against my dwindling resources and when I am left with one or two infantry units occupying my many conquests I will be taken down. The tide turns and I am trounced by my opposition.
After my last few humiliating defeats I have begun developing this radical new theory. Perhaps if I took care of my home territories and sheltered them from actual threats instead of trying to stick my nose into everyone else's business and throw my big fat weight around I might actually survive the game. I could provide help to those who ask for it, intelligently assess actual dangers and keep my own borders safe.
Maybe I'd have time to fix some fucking levees that even third graders some 20 odd years ago studying American geography knew could break and freaking flood an entire city and kill thousands of American citizens.
But then maybe the public school system is a little bit better in Minnesota than in other parts of the country.
Fucking jackass.
I suck at it.
Want to know why?
I'll tell you.
When I play Risk I like to pretend that I am some megalomaniacal dictator bent on world domination and the destruction of all that I personally find (arbitrarily) disagreeable. I never win. As soon as I conquer I get cocky. I spread my armies all over the map and it doesn't take long before my opponent catches on to how arrogant and stupid I am. I do not HAVE to attack every single chance I get. I could prioritize.
Quietly, my opponent(s) fortify armies against my dwindling resources and when I am left with one or two infantry units occupying my many conquests I will be taken down. The tide turns and I am trounced by my opposition.
After my last few humiliating defeats I have begun developing this radical new theory. Perhaps if I took care of my home territories and sheltered them from actual threats instead of trying to stick my nose into everyone else's business and throw my big fat weight around I might actually survive the game. I could provide help to those who ask for it, intelligently assess actual dangers and keep my own borders safe.
Maybe I'd have time to fix some fucking levees that even third graders some 20 odd years ago studying American geography knew could break and freaking flood an entire city and kill thousands of American citizens.
But then maybe the public school system is a little bit better in Minnesota than in other parts of the country.
Fucking jackass.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 7:16 PM
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