The Play Date
Most people I know without children bristle at the mere mention of the phrase "play date". Even I had trouble with this phrase, in the begining. The term conjures images of over scheduled yuppie children who play with flash cards of 18th century portrait artists for fun. It also paints a picture of a hyper competitive parent that uses his/her child's socialization as an excuse to claim yet another developmental conquest. Ha ha! My child has had four play dates this week and that trumps your paltry two, therefor I am the greater parent with the clearly more superior child!
However, in reality it isn't a "play date" for children. It's what passes for the dating experience for us sorry ass, undersexed parents. Now, this does not mean that the play date is necessarily of a sexual nature. In all of my play dates, there has been no hint, nor promise of sexual contact. This is not the goal of the play date. However, there are many elements of the play date that are similar to a traditional date.
First, there is the risk of asking someone on a play date. Thankfully you can blame this one on your kid. Your child meets another child at the park, they hit it off and you are forced to become social with the other child's parent. If you really like the parent/ child you will find yourself doing some amatuer stalking to discern their daily schedule and be at the park whenever they are most likely to be there as well. OR you will find yourself in a class/ PTA meeting/ what have you and work it out from there. One of you awkwardly broaches the subject:
"Wow, Billy really likes Tina. We should really get them together sometime." When the other parent takes a little too long to respond you hastily add, " At the park/ after class/ after school or something."
Once a play date has been agreed upon, the children do what children do best. They run off and play, leaving you alone with the other parent for phase one of the play date world. This is the "getting to know you" phase. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes you will find yourself with an uber parent that is so out of your league that you will do silly little things to impress the other parent. Perhaps you will pack only organic snacks when your little darling is accustomed to aspartame and MSG. Maybe you'll wear mascara, dress your kid in something hand made (Oh, I just whipped that up last week when she was taking a nap), or hide all the videos in your home and purchase some classical music cd's as if you are always immersed in such a cultured environment. Conversely, you might have a play date with a parent that is so stinking cool that you throw caution to the wind and start making comical threats of bodily harm to your child for your own amusement. Maybe you'll buy your toddler a Bob Marley t-shirt or El Che t-shirt, after all it is never to early to start indoctrinating your child! All of this is to give the impression that you have this all under control, even though you are breakin' the law- parentally speaking.
After a first successful play date, you will feel elated. After all, passing the time with a youngster is not always easy. If they play happily with their new friend without kicking, biting, or stealing any toys you may be ready for the next step: a regular play date. But you can't jump the gun on this one. At the end of the play date you will linger at the door, at the playground gate, or wherever it may be and shuffle your feet.
"Gee, that was really fun. I'd really like to do that again."
"Yeah... I'll call you."
This will seem oddly familiar to you, but it will have been so long since your last actual date that it may take you a few hours to place that awkward and exciting feeling of expectation. She liked me! She really liked me! Don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed with excitement because a deep good bye kiss at the end of a play date is generally considered a no-no. If your play date becomes a weekly ritual, then I suppose you can renegotiate the terms of the relationship- but I've never had that happen.
Once a friendship has been established (Estimated time for the children to establish deep, loyal and everlasting friendship is approximately 2.4 seconds. For adults the average time is 3.8 months.) and a play date happens like clockwork you will begin to jokingly fantasize about the children's futures together. How will they rebel? Will they get married (to each other, of course)? Which one will break into the liquor cabinet first, and that sort of thing. Then comes the ultimate test of the parent to parent relationship.
"I wouldn't ask, but I am having a hard time finding a sitter..."
WIll you babysit my kid? That's a biggie. You know you've got a good relationship if you take the kids solo and the other parent reciprocates. That relationship is like gold. Other parents with non-play date kids will watch you and your brood with extreme envy. Why can't I find another parent to love?
Just tell them what I do. There are plenty of parental fish in the sea and one day you'll find one that's right for you. The best part is, with play dates you don't have to commit to just one parent/child combo. Fear of commitment? No worries! You can play the field as long as your child can stay awake and you'll never be called a slut or a dog. Oh yeah, it's an orgy of hot wheels on the bus action topped with a juice box and a bag of Veggie Booty.
Happy Dating.
However, in reality it isn't a "play date" for children. It's what passes for the dating experience for us sorry ass, undersexed parents. Now, this does not mean that the play date is necessarily of a sexual nature. In all of my play dates, there has been no hint, nor promise of sexual contact. This is not the goal of the play date. However, there are many elements of the play date that are similar to a traditional date.
First, there is the risk of asking someone on a play date. Thankfully you can blame this one on your kid. Your child meets another child at the park, they hit it off and you are forced to become social with the other child's parent. If you really like the parent/ child you will find yourself doing some amatuer stalking to discern their daily schedule and be at the park whenever they are most likely to be there as well. OR you will find yourself in a class/ PTA meeting/ what have you and work it out from there. One of you awkwardly broaches the subject:
"Wow, Billy really likes Tina. We should really get them together sometime." When the other parent takes a little too long to respond you hastily add, " At the park/ after class/ after school or something."
Once a play date has been agreed upon, the children do what children do best. They run off and play, leaving you alone with the other parent for phase one of the play date world. This is the "getting to know you" phase. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes you will find yourself with an uber parent that is so out of your league that you will do silly little things to impress the other parent. Perhaps you will pack only organic snacks when your little darling is accustomed to aspartame and MSG. Maybe you'll wear mascara, dress your kid in something hand made (Oh, I just whipped that up last week when she was taking a nap), or hide all the videos in your home and purchase some classical music cd's as if you are always immersed in such a cultured environment. Conversely, you might have a play date with a parent that is so stinking cool that you throw caution to the wind and start making comical threats of bodily harm to your child for your own amusement. Maybe you'll buy your toddler a Bob Marley t-shirt or El Che t-shirt, after all it is never to early to start indoctrinating your child! All of this is to give the impression that you have this all under control, even though you are breakin' the law- parentally speaking.
After a first successful play date, you will feel elated. After all, passing the time with a youngster is not always easy. If they play happily with their new friend without kicking, biting, or stealing any toys you may be ready for the next step: a regular play date. But you can't jump the gun on this one. At the end of the play date you will linger at the door, at the playground gate, or wherever it may be and shuffle your feet.
"Gee, that was really fun. I'd really like to do that again."
"Yeah... I'll call you."
This will seem oddly familiar to you, but it will have been so long since your last actual date that it may take you a few hours to place that awkward and exciting feeling of expectation. She liked me! She really liked me! Don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed with excitement because a deep good bye kiss at the end of a play date is generally considered a no-no. If your play date becomes a weekly ritual, then I suppose you can renegotiate the terms of the relationship- but I've never had that happen.
Once a friendship has been established (Estimated time for the children to establish deep, loyal and everlasting friendship is approximately 2.4 seconds. For adults the average time is 3.8 months.) and a play date happens like clockwork you will begin to jokingly fantasize about the children's futures together. How will they rebel? Will they get married (to each other, of course)? Which one will break into the liquor cabinet first, and that sort of thing. Then comes the ultimate test of the parent to parent relationship.
"I wouldn't ask, but I am having a hard time finding a sitter..."
WIll you babysit my kid? That's a biggie. You know you've got a good relationship if you take the kids solo and the other parent reciprocates. That relationship is like gold. Other parents with non-play date kids will watch you and your brood with extreme envy. Why can't I find another parent to love?
Just tell them what I do. There are plenty of parental fish in the sea and one day you'll find one that's right for you. The best part is, with play dates you don't have to commit to just one parent/child combo. Fear of commitment? No worries! You can play the field as long as your child can stay awake and you'll never be called a slut or a dog. Oh yeah, it's an orgy of hot wheels on the bus action topped with a juice box and a bag of Veggie Booty.
Happy Dating.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 1:51 AM
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