Actor's Dreams

There are several versions of the fabled "actor's dream" in my nightly repetoire. I haven't had the dream that it is opening night and I don't even know what play I am in in years and years. Occassionally I have the naked dream where I am pissed that no one is paying attention to the fact that I am naked (NIGHTMARE!), but not often as of late. No, the one that I've been having lately speaks to my readiness and my particualr anxiety.

In the dream, Joe and Josh Scrimshaw are playing Carnegie Hall to a sold out audience and I keep shoving myself into the show. They are generous fellows who do not complain or say anything at all about the number of times I simply run on stage to give an extemporaneous monologue or become a coat rack or do whatever I think will add to the scene. To be honest, they don't interact with me much unless it is to use me as the butt of a joke, but I sense no animosity and we're getting laughs so I continue with my performance. The show goes on forever and the audience never leaves. After a while, I get the sense that the brothers are humoring me but I have no pride left so I take whatever I can get. I'm just happy to be even marginally useful.

An actor is a very sad and desperate thing.

Now that I think about it, this blog is just a manifestation of that dream. I just blurt out whatever I want and it gets acknowledged or not and occassionally I am the butt of a joke and it seems to just go on forever.

I'm just happy to be marginally useful.