Shouldas
I should have taken care of this years ago.
Since the day Sullivan was born I have put him to sleep- with a few notable exceptions.
I hate this job.
I hate this job so much I am shaking from head to toe with rage if he does not fall asleep by 8:30.
I've known for a long time that I should put my foot down and get him to go to sleep by himself.
But I love story time and I'm addicted to our crazy bedtime chats when he starts to let things slip about his day and his perceptions. It's just that when he is up later than 8:30- I snap.
It is 10:10 and I am doing my best to not scream. I've been remarkably placid even though inside I want to pummel him into submission. If I thought I could get away with it without a lot of tears I would probably scream at him until he was so afraid he would just pretend to sleep to get me away from him. But that won't work. My kid will scream back and he'll be honest and say things I won't want to hear like, "Stop, Mom! You're scaring me!" Dammit. I don't want to hear that. I just want to have a quick fix for this seething rage that is, admittedly, all my fault.
Aw, can't I just blame him? Just this once? I mean, I know he's only four and all, but what would be the harm in letting him take the rap for this one? Hmmm? I know it is all my fault for indulging him all this time, but shouldn't he take some of the blame for being so stupid adorable and manipulative? Really, how is a mother to deny that cute little face? That cute little demon face that does nothing but needle me day and freaking night!
Can you believe that I am actually considering having another one? What the fuck am I thinking?
Since the day Sullivan was born I have put him to sleep- with a few notable exceptions.
I hate this job.
I hate this job so much I am shaking from head to toe with rage if he does not fall asleep by 8:30.
I've known for a long time that I should put my foot down and get him to go to sleep by himself.
But I love story time and I'm addicted to our crazy bedtime chats when he starts to let things slip about his day and his perceptions. It's just that when he is up later than 8:30- I snap.
It is 10:10 and I am doing my best to not scream. I've been remarkably placid even though inside I want to pummel him into submission. If I thought I could get away with it without a lot of tears I would probably scream at him until he was so afraid he would just pretend to sleep to get me away from him. But that won't work. My kid will scream back and he'll be honest and say things I won't want to hear like, "Stop, Mom! You're scaring me!" Dammit. I don't want to hear that. I just want to have a quick fix for this seething rage that is, admittedly, all my fault.
Aw, can't I just blame him? Just this once? I mean, I know he's only four and all, but what would be the harm in letting him take the rap for this one? Hmmm? I know it is all my fault for indulging him all this time, but shouldn't he take some of the blame for being so stupid adorable and manipulative? Really, how is a mother to deny that cute little face? That cute little demon face that does nothing but needle me day and freaking night!
Can you believe that I am actually considering having another one? What the fuck am I thinking?
posted by Bree O'Connor at 10:07 PM
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