Competitive Birthday Bonanza
Okay. If you have a recently or soon to be four year old in Brooklyn, I just want to say KNOCK IT OFF, RIGHT NOW!
Dude, the birthday parties are out of flipping control. I want to invite everyone and their dog to Sully's 4th birthday because I like parties. If I still had my Barbie Dream House, you bet your ass I'd have the world's biggest to-do at mi casa. But, there would be no DJ. No cotton candy machines. No light shows or fog machines. No catered flippin' buffet. No giant costumed characters. Of course that is mostly because I still have flashbacks and scars from when I used to do that job. I once did a show for a full 40 minutes with a faulty Minnie Mouse head that scraped all the flesh off the bridge of my nose. Then there was the time when I was doing Winnie the Pooh for 7 year old boys at a McMansion on a 95 degree day and got monkey piled and the holy hell kicked out of me while snooty McMommies watched and laughed at my misery. I don't mind a clown or a face painter or a magician. Just don't flipping overdo it, okay?
Here's a hint...a good birthday clown/ magician should be self contained. He/she shouldn't need an entourage to put on the show. It should be a solo gig. They should anticipate and have solutions for the inevitable cryers. In short, they should know their freakin' jobs. I've seen some good clowns this year. I've also seen some sucky ones. I wasn't a clown for long, but I sure as hell knew how to make my balloon poodles symetrical. No lopsided doggies at my shows. Plus, I also did cats, bunnies, flowers, swords, crowns, hearts, and, on one very special occassion, I made a balloon wig. I wasn't just a one trick pony. Some of these clowns are just too expensive for what you get...I ain't paying for poop and fart jokes for my preschooler, dude. They make enough of those jokes themselves without some clown adding to their repertoire.
Here's the other thing... STOP TAKING ALL THE BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUES EIGHT FLIPPING MONTHS IN ADVANCE! It makes us normal humans with lives look like damn fools three weeks before the kid's birthday. No, I don't have a place to have this party yet. I refuse to spend $650.00 on a four year old's birthday. Jesus Christ that is out of whack! I know I should have been more on the ball, since I knew it was coming and all, but I was always able to have it at my house. Now, not so much. What I wouldn't do for a back yard right now!
Dude, the birthday parties are out of flipping control. I want to invite everyone and their dog to Sully's 4th birthday because I like parties. If I still had my Barbie Dream House, you bet your ass I'd have the world's biggest to-do at mi casa. But, there would be no DJ. No cotton candy machines. No light shows or fog machines. No catered flippin' buffet. No giant costumed characters. Of course that is mostly because I still have flashbacks and scars from when I used to do that job. I once did a show for a full 40 minutes with a faulty Minnie Mouse head that scraped all the flesh off the bridge of my nose. Then there was the time when I was doing Winnie the Pooh for 7 year old boys at a McMansion on a 95 degree day and got monkey piled and the holy hell kicked out of me while snooty McMommies watched and laughed at my misery. I don't mind a clown or a face painter or a magician. Just don't flipping overdo it, okay?
Here's a hint...a good birthday clown/ magician should be self contained. He/she shouldn't need an entourage to put on the show. It should be a solo gig. They should anticipate and have solutions for the inevitable cryers. In short, they should know their freakin' jobs. I've seen some good clowns this year. I've also seen some sucky ones. I wasn't a clown for long, but I sure as hell knew how to make my balloon poodles symetrical. No lopsided doggies at my shows. Plus, I also did cats, bunnies, flowers, swords, crowns, hearts, and, on one very special occassion, I made a balloon wig. I wasn't just a one trick pony. Some of these clowns are just too expensive for what you get...I ain't paying for poop and fart jokes for my preschooler, dude. They make enough of those jokes themselves without some clown adding to their repertoire.
Here's the other thing... STOP TAKING ALL THE BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUES EIGHT FLIPPING MONTHS IN ADVANCE! It makes us normal humans with lives look like damn fools three weeks before the kid's birthday. No, I don't have a place to have this party yet. I refuse to spend $650.00 on a four year old's birthday. Jesus Christ that is out of whack! I know I should have been more on the ball, since I knew it was coming and all, but I was always able to have it at my house. Now, not so much. What I wouldn't do for a back yard right now!
posted by Bree O'Connor at 12:02 AM
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