School Day
School starts today. Just a half day for my kid. No full days until Thursday. I don't get the house to myself until Friday. I won't have momentum this week and I could either fight it or go with the flow.
Of course, it just wouldn't be a day in my life if I didn't find some malaise kicking around inside my messy cupboards or hiding in my overflowing laundry basket. It's gloomy outside and I am busy feeling overwhelmed, underconfident and anxious. Although, I must admit, I've gotten so used to the presence of anxiety that I feel naked without it. Of course, I'm not opposed to nudity...
My To Do list scares the hell out of me. When I produced my first show here in NYC there was a point right in the middle of the whole thing when I realized that 1) I had written the script. 2) I cast it. 3) I designed it. 4) I directed it. 5) I produced it. Since all of these things were my responsibility its ultimate goodness or suckiness would largely rest upon my then tiny shoulders. I kind of freaked. It went well. It got a good review. I was happy with it. Then I went and got knocked up and proceeded to avoid any semblance of success for the next five years.
It's really the either/or shit that bothers me. I can't seem to think my way around it. There is always a reason why I can't do this or that and it usually requires me taking care of someone else's shit first. I'm pretty bogged down with other peoples' shit. Right now, my office is flanked by a little tikes kitchen set and bins overflowing with puppets and action figures. Behind me is a shelf with treasured objects made from materials found at the dollar store and items gathered from the wildernesses of Brooklyn, Minnesota and Vermont. My living room is packed with Tom's collections and Sullivan's art supplies. My bedroom is holding its own against the onslaught of Scooby Doo DVDs, board games, and books on film lighting. So what if I chose the color scheme? It clearly isn't me who lives here.
At this point it is not a luxury for me to be in class again. It is vital. It is necessary for my survival or I will drown in other peoples' shit.
I've got about an hour and a half before the school day is over. I guess I had better go shuffle other peoples' shit for awhile.
Of course, it just wouldn't be a day in my life if I didn't find some malaise kicking around inside my messy cupboards or hiding in my overflowing laundry basket. It's gloomy outside and I am busy feeling overwhelmed, underconfident and anxious. Although, I must admit, I've gotten so used to the presence of anxiety that I feel naked without it. Of course, I'm not opposed to nudity...
My To Do list scares the hell out of me. When I produced my first show here in NYC there was a point right in the middle of the whole thing when I realized that 1) I had written the script. 2) I cast it. 3) I designed it. 4) I directed it. 5) I produced it. Since all of these things were my responsibility its ultimate goodness or suckiness would largely rest upon my then tiny shoulders. I kind of freaked. It went well. It got a good review. I was happy with it. Then I went and got knocked up and proceeded to avoid any semblance of success for the next five years.
It's really the either/or shit that bothers me. I can't seem to think my way around it. There is always a reason why I can't do this or that and it usually requires me taking care of someone else's shit first. I'm pretty bogged down with other peoples' shit. Right now, my office is flanked by a little tikes kitchen set and bins overflowing with puppets and action figures. Behind me is a shelf with treasured objects made from materials found at the dollar store and items gathered from the wildernesses of Brooklyn, Minnesota and Vermont. My living room is packed with Tom's collections and Sullivan's art supplies. My bedroom is holding its own against the onslaught of Scooby Doo DVDs, board games, and books on film lighting. So what if I chose the color scheme? It clearly isn't me who lives here.
At this point it is not a luxury for me to be in class again. It is vital. It is necessary for my survival or I will drown in other peoples' shit.
I've got about an hour and a half before the school day is over. I guess I had better go shuffle other peoples' shit for awhile.
posted by Bree O'Connor at 10:13 AM
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