Aw C'mon Ladies!

So I recently made my admission that I was wrong about feminism and that I wanted back in. I wanted to be a part of a sisterhood and I wanted it to be productive. I was all ready for the warm, warm fuzzies of being a part of womankind.

Then what happens?

I got ditched by a girlfriend who wants to see me, but has a hard time having a relationship with me while my kid is around. Well- YOU AND ME BOTH SISTER! But at least I TRY! Look, child care is not easy to find and sometimes I have to spend six days in a row without a break from my kid. Yeah, boo hoo, but it wouldn't be so bad if my fucking friends would reach out and just spend time with me. And, if you're so worried about my brain turning to mush, then why don't you drag your ass over to my house every once in a while to give me a little break instead of complaining about how I've legally changed my name to "Mom"?

Look, I understand it is difficult and distracting but it is my life and I have to make the best of it. If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty fucking lonely and could use the company even if the conversation is peppered with "Put that down!" "No, this is Mommy's grown up time...". Damn, you see why I find women so irritating? Most of my girlfriends take their own sweet time to return my phone calls, if they return them at all (except for my Mom friends who grab the phone immediately- just as desperate for adult interaction as I am) and have no problem ditching me. This was not an isolated incident.

What also bothers me is that I can be counted on and ladies will take advantage. I'll help you out but when it comes to just being friendly with me and lending me a little support by showing up I get nothing. I'm always the girl you can break a date with if something better comes along. Well, that sucks.

See, this is where I fall on Hetero Man again. I always expect they'll let me down, but it is rare that they ever do. All my men friends keep their promises. They show up. They even show up ON TIME and don't make me wait. They'll humor my kid. They'll treat him like a human being instead of a cute talking toy with no off-switch. Sometimes I get the feeling that they actually ENJOY my child! Perhaps it is because they are accustomed to and most comfortable with conversations that aren't deeply personal and can afford interruptions. Frankly, I don't care what it is I'm just frustrated and angry that I have a hard time counting on other women, in general.

Now, we all know this is not a hard and fast rule, I am just hurt and pissed right now. Since I've experienced this most recent slight I am going to open the floodgates of things that have seriously irked me since I became a mother. Hold onto your hats...

Where the fuck does any woman get off preaching to another woman about how they raise their kids? Talk about your experience, that's fine and necessary- but when did your word become freaking law? I have a friend who has a six week old. She tried her best for natural childbirth but, in the end she had a cesarean. We were discussing this at a picnic and she was sharing her experience when a woman WITH NO KIDS started preaching about the evils of cesarean births and railing about the medical establishment. Now, my poor friend had clearly been disappointed by the fact that she did not have the birth experience she had planned on having. Why did this other woman have to come over and rub her nose in it? If you ask me, any birth experience that ends in a breathing baby is a good one so back the fuck off!

What is with all the competition and judgement? In the past few years I have overheard playground conversations between mothers that have made my toes curl. I was a breastfeeder. I did it for 2 1/2 years and I will probably do it again. Not sure how long, but when the time is right the time is right. But I certainly don't expect everyone else to do it. I remember a couple of women having a very loud conversation in the park in front of a woman bottle feeding her infant. The two women were very loud in proclaiming the superiority of breastfeeding and how much smarter and healthier their children were going to be than bottlefed babies. It wasn't their information or their childrearing choices that bothered me. It was their rudeness and their holier-than-thou attitude. I've had it with that shit.

I've had it with the schoolgirl bullshit and the little cliques. I've had it with the little judgements I feel when I let a little too much about my non-child life slip to a new mom-friend in the park. You know, that tight lipped "Oh" follwed by an eye roll that says "You're not the high quality kind of mother I want to associate with." I'm tired of staying at home and devoting all of my body and soul to my son so that I have nothing left for myself. I'm tired and, sometimes, I want a break. I feed my kid red yogurt in a tube. Sometimes we have cold pizza for dinner. Sometimes I don't have any vegetables in the house. Sometimes we watch two movies in one day. Sometimes my son plays with toy guns and swords. Sometimes I say things like, "I don't care how much you want X, we have to do Y... BECAUSE I SAID SO!" Sometimes I raise my voice. Sometimes we watch absolutely worthless, non-educational crap and we like it. Sometimes I just sit on my ass and that is okay. My kid is a great kid and even when I screw up or I don't do it exactly like the books say- I'm a damn good mother. Go look down your nose at someone else.

I still want in- but some things have got to change around here. There can't be any kind of sisterhood while we keep up this kind of crap. If you don't compete with me for "Woman of the Year" I promise I won't compete with you. I'll just be something simple like, a friend.